Now I am not being judgmental. I have nothing against those who do it. If it makes you happy, Hell yes! Do It.
But as far as I am concerned, I think it’s high time India bids goodbye to the concept of arranged marriages.
There, I said it.
Why you may ask?
Because times have changed. We have changed. We are no naive 21-year-old girls marrying a man and staying at home taking care of him. We have been friends with boys all our lives, we are career oriented and we are clearly looking to live with you a life of 50-50. Today, if anything can save two people together, it has to be only love. No arrangements would do.
1. They are like VCR – good back then not now.
Back in the days when people didn’t meet people and were restricted to neighbors and family, it might have been a good idea. After all, where would you find good love? (Barring the Laila Majnu love stories!) But in this age of WhatsApp, Tinder, Bangalore-USA, don’t you think people are meeting a LOT of other people?
2. They put an expiry date
Yes, expiry date. Marry before 25 otherwise you would be doomed forever! Why? Because we have the concept of arranged marriages, our overzealous relatives get an exciting opportunity to pester our parents and us to feel terrible about turning 23. “Arre, abhi dhoondoge tab toh milega!” They love to play the treasure hunt after all. Auntyji, you are making me dread every birthday of mine.
3. They spell PRESSURE
I would want marriage to sound sweet to me. But all I can feel is anxiety, burden and a whole lot of pressure. It follows a trail – graduation, MBA, job, marriage. And what if I want to travel the world, roam like a hipster or make an empire? Can I fit it in four years? I cannot. An arranged marriage doesn’t give you time. All we ambitious dreamers need right now is some TIME.
4. They never give love a chance
They say love happens; before or after marriage, either way it does. But isn’t this love forced when it happens after marriage? Thanks to the “expiry date” we can’t wait for it happen. We rush into it. And what if it feels wrong tomorrow? Reminds me of Karan Johar’s Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna.
5. They lead to ridiculous criteria
“Required a 5’9 MBA boy with 7 figure salary who is fair and brahmin.” So the four requirements listed on Shaadi.com is enough to spend more than forty years with this guy? I doubt my choice of a large burger and cheesy fries the minute I order them and you are talking of your whole life here? Whoa. We need much more in this age of 50-50.
6. It’s promoting caste system
Where do you find caste relevant anymore? Only on matrimonial pages. We don’t do untouchability. We don’t work according to our castes. But centuries later we are still marrying according to our castes. Cheers to Bhadta Bhaarat!
7. AND Dowry
When Alia Bhatt in ‘Two States’ rebukes the fatty for asking a BMW, she doesn’t realize that he will never stand for Minty because Hell, he doesn’t care! It’s not love. It’s not a desire to marry her. It’s their family arrangement and why should he care much if that arrangement is coming with a free BMW! We know how dowry leads to an abusive marriage and female infanticide in this country.
8. You will never be the first reason why they got married
A two-three month of courtship can only give way to few Q&A’s. There are rare gems who will be really honest about their motives. Since we have the arranged marriages hoopla so prevalent, most people are dragged into it. Result? They just married to make their parents happy, they were heartbroken or maybe they were gay.
9. The forbidden road of DIVORCE
I have always heard that people are more accepting of it when families are involved and also if it was not a love marriage. But the reality is not so. The very reason that families are involved, it gets difficult to break up a marriage. Since your decision to be together was not your own, how can separating be? And so people suffocate.
10. Sex is no more an excuse to get married
It’s not ‘western culture’ anymore. Unfortunately, “Are you a virgin” has become a common part of marriage Q&As. People have casual dates, hook-ups and serious relationships before they actually get married. No more does anyone need marriage as a label to get laid. Isn’t love a better excuse to marry someone?
11. We have matured! ACCEPT IT.
We are living in a cosmopolitan society. The marriageable age is slithering away beyond 25. We are educated and well informed. More than anything else, we are mature when we take the plunge to get married. And so most of us don’t immaturely elope when parents don’t agree. We know that family will always be the core of Indian values. It would be kind of this society to accept and respect our decisions as wise and responsible.