It’s that time of the month again. You’ve been surviving on take-outs and recycling garbage bags for the past few days but it really is time to stock some supplies. So you go to the nearest Kirana mall and apart from fancy bread, you also find some amusing sets of people who make grocery shopping actually interesting.
What is a Kirana mall, you ask. Remember Apna bazaars and Samarth Bhandars where our mothers and fathers used to go to buy Kirana maal? Think of today’s Big Bazaars and D-marts, which evolved from those as Kirana malls.
While you’re trying to figure out how much raashan you need, these kinds of people annoy, entertain and enrage you to your wit’s end! Here’s a list of such blessed souls who make something as mundane as Kirana shopping quite eventful.
1. The Weasleys.
These guys have more kids than strictly necessary and they decide to get all of them to shop for groceries! And those little angels (read devils) go about dropping stuff from the aisles, racing in trolleys and making your life hell while you have to pretend to AWWWWWWWWW.
2. The bad driver.
I know you immediately thought of a woman, you dawg. This person probably sucked at GTA because he has no idea how to maneuver his trolley. While desperately trying to control it, he dashes into you, runs it over your toes and overturns stacks of things. No Sir it didn’t hurt at all when you accidentally sucker punched me in the groin. J
3. The Army supplier.
This guy takes “enough to feed an army” quite literally. With two trolleys worth of food and supplies, it could be his entire year’s raashan and god help you if you’re stuck behind this guy while billing. It takes ages for him to finish and just when you think your anticipation is over, lo and behold! His card stops working. Just effing great!
4. The deal finders.
This group of people will buy almost everything with a discount and will take ages to find the detergent with the best deal on it ever! These confused souls will probably pester the store boys a thousand times in the process and block aisles while pondering over which toothpaste to buy.
5. The shabby newlyweds.
This couple looks like they spent their suhaag raat last night in the clothes they’re wearing. Shabby seems to be the new sexy; wearing stained t shirts, shorts, hugeass bangles and just fucked hair for buying processed and ready-to-eat food. Bathroom chappals and bad hair for them, seems to scream badass.
6. The overdressed teenagers.
Another category of Indians who think of supermarkets as malls and arrive in over the top clothes. Or they were probably fooled by their parents who said they would be going to some fancy place. Pachka!!!
7. The uninterested teenagers.
Wearing baggy clothes, earphones and a no fucks given attitude, these teens were probably bullied into leaving their gizmos for a change and spending time with family. And what better way to do that than going grocery shopping! 😀
*ta da da*
8. The unhealthy shoppers.
With their trolleys filled with whatever junk they can carry, everyone in this family looks like Adnan Sami before the weight loss. Soft drink bottles, fried food, frozen food is all they seem to consume and after shopping they will probably go to another unhealthy place to have an even more unhealthy dinner.
9. The item browsers.
These guys come with the intentions of looking for some other kind of maal entirely. They seem to think of super markets as a place to scout for members of the other sex with similar interests. You don’t know what could possibly give them that idea but you will find these people with a barely filled basket and creepily observant eyes.
10. The unsolicited advisors.
These weirdos pop out of nowhere and claim to have vast knowledge about how much calories a particular biscuit has or which fairness cream yields maximum results. They don’t seem to realise that they are commenting on your weight and skin tone and proceed to annoy you until you’ve shot them at least 10 times in your mind!
You see, shopping for supplies isn’t that boring after all! If you fall into any of these categories, go drown yourself in the Diet Coke you bought thinking it would make you thinner. What other types of people have you had the misfortune to meet on your trips to the Kirana mall?