We make no promises about stopping arguments forever or guarantee that you’ll never feel angry with each other again. This is real life. We are here to promote possibilities, not pipe dreams. Forget rules, you need ideas. Read the 10 points mentioned below to refresh your love life and see how it feels.
1. In the mood
If you’re in the mood for love, or more to the point if you’re not, music can enhance or change your feelings in a heartbeat. “If music is the mood of love, play on”, said the playwright. And since time began music has been a great aphrodisiac. What music do you choose to set the mood? Classical music is classy and passionate. You could always invite your partner to dance, not necessarily to Mozart, but how about some slow and sexy blues music? Don’t be self-conscious about it, just dim the lights, move the furniture out of the way, put on your favorite tune and go for it. Remember that the key to being sexy is confidence. You know you can do it. Get in touch with your inner tramp.
Monotony kills relationships. Time to rekindle yourself with something completely different. If there is a choice of what to do at the weekend, always go for the most eccentric one. Things like ice skating or a picnic in a boat work better than a classic dinner out. Think about how much it meant at the beginning that your partner had even agreed to go on a date with you. Try to recapture that feeling and hold on to it, at least for a night, once in a while. Get on a bargain flight to a city you’ve never visited or spent all day in bed feeding each other strawberries. Whatever you do, increase the sexiness and excitement of being together by doing something you don’t normally do.
3. Find the hero
We know the score. You fell in love with a hero and now your relationship isn’t as wonderful as when you first met. Do you miss the good old days, when your lover treated you like the sexiest creature on earth and made you feel warm and fuzzy? In the drudgery of our daily grind, it’s often far easier to look for problems than solutions. At times it might feel as if the hero or heroine you fell in love with has sneaked off, but the hero is still there, waiting in the wings to be rediscovered and nurtured back to health. Everyone, your partner included, lives up or down to others expectations. Try to avoid labeling your partner. If you think he’s not romantic or she’s always late, you’re less likely to notice the times when he does buy roses or when she arrives ahead of you.
4. What’s your LQ?
Imagine you’re in the mastermind chair and your specialist subject is your lover. What would be your Love Quotient score? Broadly speaking, to successfully love the person we’re with we need to understand what they need to feel loved. To keep their love we must give them what they need as far as possible. If you’re reading this and wondering what this has to do with sex, my answer to you is, “Duh! Just about everything.” Loads of couples are having indifferent or absolutely no sex, not because they don’t spark off each other but because they haven’t felt loved by their partners for years. When your lover’s feeling insecure, stressed or worried, how do you make them feel safe and reassured? Does it work? If not, do you know what would? If yes, why do you withhold it from them? Do you like to play mean just for the hell of it? It might seem to work and it might keep you the “superior” partner, but the price is high. Your partner won’t be able to trust you and that sort of trust is near enough essential to keep sex hot between you when the first thrill has gone.
5. Touchy Feely
When did you last reach out and touch the person you love? Words are great, but your fingers can reach places language never can. In our love life, we all need strokes, emotional and physical. The finest touching is a sensual conversation. When you next touch your partner, wait for a reply before touching further. So, if you stroke her cheek, wait until she squeezes your arm before running your finger over her eyebrows. Between people who are attracted to each other, just brushing fingertips can send shock waves. Try making little circles with your fingertips on your partner’s palm or inner elbow, or the nape of the neck. Do this at mundane times, like waiting for a bus or in the supermarket check-out queue.
So, as well as the old-fashioned rules about who asks who out, we also have the thorny issue of who picks up the bill. As a rule of thumb, whoever asks for the date should be the one to pay. However, money is not neutral and you need to think about what kind of message you are sending out when you make your decision. Talking about money is really difficult for most people, it is an emotional issue and cited as one of the key issues in relationship breakdown. Getting these thorny issues upfront could save you both a lot of hurts later.
7. Blooming Lovely
Whatever your sentiment – striking, sensual, sanguine or sexy – there is a stem out there that will say it for you. You can’t go wrong with roses. Velvety crimson petals exuding the heady smell of rose. Reeks of seduction, doesn’t it? Orchids, jasmine, and lilies are also renowned for aphrodisiac scents. Lots of people make the mistake of thinking flowers are just for women. Rough and ready can appeal to men. While you’re at it, is there any way you can personalize your floral gift? For example, why not give your partner a terracotta pot planted with their favorite flower seeds. On the pot, you could write “My love for you keeps growing.” Corny, but it’ll do the trick.
8. Something for the weekend
If your relationship has been in a bit of slump, a few days away from it all really is a perfect chance to recharge your batteries. Prioritizing your love life rather than, say, sightseeing or gastro-pubbing will fire up your love life for possibly months afterward. The reason is that a new place lets you reinvent yourselves. You’ll be more daring and more focused on each other. And if you have any problem areas, you can plan to sort them. Resolve to do something you’ll never forget. After the build-up of yesterday, create new shared memories of sex that will stay with both of you when you get home and fuel desire when the rut beckons again. Move mirrors in your hotel room so that you can see yourselves while you have sex. Throw your lover against a wall in a tinny cobbled street. Slip away from the lights and make love on the beach.
9. The hardest word
Everyone screws up sometime. But trying to blame your partner isn’t the answer. Perhaps you’re afraid of losing face or looking weak. After all, saying sorry means admitting you’re wrong. Perhaps you feel resentful in such type of situations because you always end up apologizing first. It could be that it is not your fault or you don’t see eye to eye. It’s hard to say sorry when you don’t know why your partner is angry or upset. The best time to say sorry is as soon as you notice that you’ve hurt your partner. Now, we’re not saints either and know it’s incredibly difficult to break mid-argument and offer an apology. Especially if you’re winning. If you can express regret after, or even during, an argument, great. On the other hand, if you calm down a bit, you would not sound sarcastic or insincere. Saying sorry is useless unless your partner knows why you’re apologizing. You need to acknowledge what you’ve done wrong.
10. The least you need to do…..
How is your partner feeling right now? What’s happening at work? How are their relationships with friends, colleagues, parents? Carve out fifteen minutes of every day to talk. Go to bed at your usual time or get up earlier and have a coffee together so you can touch base. Kiss each other every morning before you get out of bed. Take a time for the swift cuddle. Breathe deeply. Hold tight. Do the same at night. Never take your physical intimacy for granted. Pick up a tub of her favorite ice-cream on the way home from work. Run him a bath and bring him a beer. Sappy gestures work – they build up a huge bank of goodwill that couples can draw on when life gets stressful with frantic love life.