1. Home alone
You can’t go out alone unless you have a brother, father, uncle, boyfriend, husband, great grandfather, or anything that even remotely resembles a MAN there to protect you and your honor. Even a scarecrow will suffice.
2. No cake please
When you win the most amazing and prestigious award and the first compliment you get is how much weight you have lost… and THAT is what makes you happiest. Because how you look is what matters the most!
3. Pesky flies alert
When you are told to cover up or sit properly so you look modest (or what the other person thinks is modest) and don’t attract flies. (Yes, that darned lollipop analogy again)
4. Human eye candy
When you are compared to a lollipop. There, it needed to be said again. You are a woman.. not flavoured sucrose! Geez!
5. Take your clothes off
When you are told to wear less so you can sell a product like men’s shoes. Because you not wearing clothes would make a man buy a shoe. To stomp those flies buzzing around you, I gather.
6. The power of gora
When you buy a product that is supposed to make you fair which will automatically turn you into white albeit a little ghost-y swan. You will then find a shallow Prince Not-So-Charming who will lurvvv you JUST for your fair complexion. Your new white color will also solve global warming issues, poverty and the problem of terrorism. Then you can sing “Goray goray mukhray pe kala kala chashma.”
7. Who will marry her now?
When a woman is raped and everyone hushes it so as to not bring shame to the family, while the rapist walks around like a strutting peacock, feeling very happy and macho to have overpowered a woman. Oh so manly! (No. Seriously, no.)
8. Me? I’m rich…
When most of the inheritance/daily spending money goes to the male members so that THEY can provide for you so YOU don’t need do anything yourself. They will also decide what you need and don’t need. Aww, how sweet.
9. …make that a princess
When you are told that you are a princess and should be treated like one so you should stay at home, in the house, while they go out in the big bad stinky world and fight the wolves and get you the roti, kapra and makeup to make you feel oh-so-pretty. *pats head* Don’t forget the babies.
10. Hai! Zamana kya kahega?
When the neighbors’ opinion about you, your skills, education and your life counts more than what you think.
11. Churiyan pehen lo tum
When you tell a man to wear bangles because you think that person is weak. Er, what? Next, you will say a man who wears a skirt is actually a woman. (Before you answer this one, think of kilts and lungis!)
12. Feminism kis chiriya ka naam hai?
When you say you don’t need feminism because you are strong enough to deal with sexism yourself. History never happened. And that you think rape is a woman’s fault.
So let’s go with ‘I need Masculism’ then.