Living in metropolitan cities has a variety of perks. Free Wi-Fi being on top of the list. Given the advantages we have of the city life, we tend to take them a little seriously. Like when we can’t do without an aux wire in the car! We develop OCD-ish complexes about it and tend to brighten or worsen our mood accordingly.
If you do either of the following things, chances are you are an urban snob!
1. Iphone Upgrader.
You have to have the latest, upgraded version of the IPhone. Or any Apple product, really. Only Apple Products. You simply can’t live with the fact that a better iPhone, better than the one you own, exists. You’ll buy it, irrespective of whether or not you need it. You’ll also buy it even the upgraded version isn’t really different from the one you already owned.
2. The brand bank.
They’ll buy and wear only branded stuff. From their hair conditioner to their shoes, even their toilet paper everything screams expense. They’ll wait in lines and crowds when their favourite brand offers discounts. They’ll even wear knock-offs and pass them off as originals. Yes, they even use toilet paper.
3. Literary Elite.
These are the guys who will click selfies in book stores. They’ll claim that they don’t read ebooks but they’ll have them hidden somewhere along with their porn collection. Every time a movie releases they’ll be the smug ones who say something like, “It’s based on a book of the same name. Tune padhi nahi hai?” and proceed to look down at you.
4. Unwatched-movie watcher.
Torrent, high speed Internet and free wifi are their greatest friends. They’ll watch all sorts of indie movies, short films and documentaries, and start lecturing you to do the same. They are also the ones who make your life hell while playing charades because they just know too many movies.
5. Customised gifter.
The upside of people having quality is that you’ll get personal and quirky gifts on special occasions. They’ll move heaven and earth to find that gift that is artistic, aesthetic, expensive, innovative, useful and makes them look good since they are giving it to you. They’ll even hand-craft them for you. The downside: they’ll expect the same from you.
6. Culture Vulture.
There’s a music concert in the city? They’ll be there. A famous comedian is performing? They’ll be there. There’s an art festival somewhere round town? You’re goddamn right, they will be there! Overcoming great odds like the relentless traffic or the ungodly ticket prices, they make sure they attend all of these. God forbid their Instagram profile look like a 90’s photo album full of nothing!
7. Eligible entrant.
They diligently socialize people and in return, get free/discounted rates for entry in a variety of places. Night clubs, pubs, restaurants- name the place and they will have a way to get in. Generally a Facebook friend or dur ke rishtedaar ka cousin who work in these establishments, help them out because filial obligations.
8. Uptown snacker.
If they haven’t gone to a place that serves ridiculously over priced regular food, after wading through insane traffic and Lokhandwala, they don’t feel like they have had their fill. They look down on anything in their own vicinity and will only eat where they can’t logically afford.
9. “Meaningful” explorer.
These are the guys who take a foreign trip solely to flood their social media profiles with constant pictures and updates. Starting from leaving their house, they compulsively update everything- the place, the hotel, the food, the bathroom and the constant selfies with a famous monument making a miniscule appearance in the background. It’s even worse because with social media accounts synced, you have to go through all of this repeatedly at least 50 times.
10. City complainer.
Inspite of having all of the above opportunities, they’ll still complain endlessly about the problems ailing the city. Starting from infrastructure to corruption in local bodies, their resident city has every problem imaginable. Including free wifi in public spaces that is of no use. Of course, you can’t expect them to go out and do something about it, lest their skin get tanned or develop acne!
Who did this article make you think of?