Contrary to popular beliefs, relationships are not a bed of roses. They are one of the most difficult things in life which require immense hard work, dedication, loyalty and commitment.
There are hundreds of relationship myths which people believe are the real yardstick to measure the happiness. However, the problem with persistent relationships is that they erode happiness. When you think that a relationship should be a certain way and when it isn’t, frustration sets in which kills the relationship.
Hence it is vital to burst that bubble of myths and to learn what relationship really is.
The following are the eight relationship myths that might surprise you:
A good relationship means that it doesn’t require work
The strongest and the most enduring relationships are the results of years of hard work. Comparing the relationship to a garden, one needs to prepare the soil, plant the seeds and water daily to enjoy the beautiful flowers. Similarly, nurturing the relationship is as important. However, like anything else, overworking on a relationship is also not healthy. If you are more unhappy than happy in the relationship, the unhappiness will soon become a regular happening. Also, if you are making a lot of adjustments and do not see the same level on the other side, you might just be overdoing the entire thing.
If the partners really love each other, they know the needs and choices of each other.
Truth cannot be farther than this. Knowing each other’s choices and needs take years of patience, understanding and trust. It is not like what they show in movies. Such an expectation is usually developed as a child and since one gets into a relationship when he/she is an adult, communication becomes an important tool to voice the needs and choices. And once you have communicated your feelings, a better measure is whether your partner is listening to it or not.
If you are not in true love, passion fades
Thanks to movies and romantic novels, one is tricked into believing that if it’s true love then passion never goes away. But, with time and more responsibilities, passion naturally diminishes. However, this does not mean that one cannot ignite passion once again. With little planning and playfulness, one can reignite passion. Lisa Blum, a clinical psychologist, says:
Passionate sex is a byproduct of sustained emotional intimacy along with a continuing sense of adventure and exploration and sense of playfulness.
She advised the couples to ask:
How do we tame our lives sufficiently that we can make time for each other and have energy left for each other?
Having a child will strengthen the relationship
Research has proven that having a child actually decreases happiness between the partners. This, however, doesn’t mean that the couples do not love each other but the increased responsibilities take a toll on the relationship. Having realistic expectations helps in preparing for the new roles. Terri Orbuch, a clinical psychologist, believes:
‘should’ statements don’t allow you to see what the other person is doing to strengthen and manage the relationship and these expectations cloud your judgment.
Jealousy means you are loving and caring
Jealousy is the lack of how confident and secure you are in the relationship. At the beginning, it may appear like concern and love but with time one realises that no amount of care and concern can satiate the jealousy in the partner. While you can be supportive, the jealous partner needs to work on the issue on his/her own.
Fights ruin relationships
In reality, what really ruins relationships is not resolving fights. Fights can strengthen relationships by addressing the elephant in the room and bringing to other person’s notice what hurts you. Productive fights enhance mutual understanding, trust and compatibility.
To make relationship successful, the other partner must change
Blaming the other person for everything wrong in the relationship is a sure shot at murdering the relationship. Instead, one must demand what he/she would like the partner to do and must give them time. Old habits die hard and immediate results never happen.
Couples therapy means your relationship is in trouble
This can be true that when couples seek therapy, their relationship is in choppy waters. However, the key is to make it work. Blum suggests that people should see therapy as preventative. This way, the couple must come in for counselling after a fight or two over few months rather than five or six over a decade.
As Tony Robbins commented:
The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.