India is one country which believes in living and growing together. Joint families are fun but it becomes a bit difficult and embarrassing when you are newly married. Spending quality time with your better half and having some really hot sessions becomes a dream. If you think you are the only one who is going through this problem then you are wrong.
Someone asked “How Do Couples Steal Intimate Moments Living In A Joint Family?” on Quora and the answers this question got are just epic!
1. Handling both like a boss!
I am a married person living in a joint family for the past 2 years. We have a tiny room for ourselves thankfully, but it is still very very different from what it would have been, had me and my husband stayed away from the family. There are of course two sides to the coin. Yes, your intimacy suffers. You cannot be as close to your spouse as you would like to be during the day. Intimacy isn’t just sex, it’s also about cuddling, small pecks, hugging, etc. And these other things matter a lot, especially for women. Plus, you cannot sit in the bedroom with doors and windows closed when the family is home and awake. Even after lights out, you cannot explore your sexuality fully as there’s a possibility of some noise. You end up doing the necessary stuff quietly and go off to sleep. The solution to this is taking weekend trips to nearby places or sending the family to overnight picnics.
P.S. I cannot place enough emphasis on the happiness you get in one big family 🙂
2. The award winning answer…
I live in a nuclear family with my wife and a kid. We both work and we are highly dependent on maids for lot of our works. I am diabetic and I have this constant craving to eat something healthy but, after 9 in the morning to 6 in the evening, I can’t eat anything until I do it on my own which is very tiring.
Since my wife works I don’t want her to burden with my wishes when she comes home tired. Work takes a toll. We have all the time and all the space but the craving to intimacy has seriously gone down. I also think with age and times it changes it form too. At times to celebrate our independence we lie in two different bedrooms sometimes due to work sometimes due to arguments.When I go to my home on festivals, I enjoy every second of stay there, the life seems so enjoyable the presence of extended family, you get choices in food, you can eat whatever you wish anytime, the work is shared, for a change you enjoy the cacophony. We are so engrossed in joy and happiness of being with family that we forget about Intimacy. It’s expressed in warm hugs, soft touches and eye contacts.
3. Seems experienced!
Barring many exceptions of present day youngsters majority of people of my generation had faced this issue. I won’t call it a problem, though!
Yes…initially it is embarrassing..while everyone is watching TV both of you just get up (one after the other with a few minutes gap!) and go to your bedroom and close the door as noiselessly as you can. Oil those squeaky door latches well so that they don’t attract avoidable attention. Actually, it is more embarrassing if there are teenagers or young unmarried adults in the family.
Then go on with your life as silently as possible. Please do remember that other members of the family especially elders do understand the situation well and they also cooperate by either going to sleep early themselves etc. And it becomes a “normal” thing after few months!
4. Making sense?
Life on earth is about procreation, all species continue to copulate and reproduce. Humans are the only beings that are aware of their act and their environment surrounding their act. So most of the mature and senior family members would understand your situation and need for intimacy. They also would be aware on how to ignore your presumed embarrassment. To be more comfortable with your own situation plan for intimacy during lean periods in your house when the family members are engaged in other activities (outdoor or indoor). Generate opportunities for them to be engaged in activities temple visits, movies, shopping, visits to relatives, etc.. Prepare a routine for you and your partner for eg. 9.30 pm to 7.00 am is in room time. Advertise the same to your family members they will understand. As far as the remnants are concerned plan on how to dispose them as discreetly as possible don’t be naive to dispose them openly and expect others to understand.
5. Point to be note!
It’s always not about sex which you think while being close to your partner after marriage. A small help to your spouse, a small gift or even just keeping bed ready when she is less expecting makes the partner feel good. Even a small rose will get a beautiful smile on your wife’s face.
In a family, parents do understand you and quick kisses and touches are always there. Couples have to be romantic enough to find their way. There is no formula to achieve it.
Parents have been through this situation so they understand you better and always share you more freedom than what they had during their time. Over the generations there is change and it is well accepted by them 🙂 Parents give enough time for the new couple to be together as initial days after marriage are the crucial ones where the bonding starts well. And making love adds the calmness and trust building between both the partners.
These stories are giving such a cute feeling. It’s all about love and it depends upon you how gracefully you understand the art of managing both.