Remember the things you did and saw as a child? For some weird reason of unforgivable conspiracy, there are a lot of ‘normal’ things from the 90s and earlier, things our older cousins, parents, grand parents did, that are suddenly and overly cool now.
Here is a list of 23 things that just boggle our minds to have people paying to do or creating unnecessary hype about.
1. Music & movies from the 90s
Remember when these were just music & movies and we didn’t attach any labels to them? Guess what, people PLAN to indulge in these now and film-makers, out of self parody, create such while dancing away to the bank as the audience, “knowingly” indulges in “crap-commercial” movies. Much like looking at one’s own poop and cheekily telling everyone how disgusting it is.
Somehow, choosing one vacation out of ten, within Indian itself and listening to some obscure Indian band makes you Indian at heart. Yeah, yeah, we know why you are really Indian. It is because you can’t give up on the food here.
3. Playing outside
There are A/C play places that charge you to let your child play. Yes. I have to breathe to calm myself down.
4. Having kids over at your place to play
This is no longer normal, but a planned activity with a name – Play Date.
What is with these self-congratulatory bibliophiles? As children, we liked to read or we didn’t. We didn’t make it into a narcissistic masturbatory exercise because we like to create delusory worlds out of someone else’s verbal bulimia.
6. Reading comics
Superhero movies are based on comics. Some people treat this as breaking news.
For centuries, literally for CENTURIES, weed has been part of India’s cultural tradition, criminalized as recently as 1985 by the Rajiv Gandhi government under American insistence. Why should I live in this world anymore?
8. Doing your own house
Omg! You chose the colour for your own living room and you didn’t pay anyone to do that? Now why don’t you get off the ventilator subscription programme and try and breathe yourself too?
9. Visiting villages
So you have never seen a village and plan to pay a few salaries to go eat AUTHENTIC INDIAN FOOD with AUTHENTIC INDIAN PEOPLE? Why don’t you just die, you authentic dweeb. We used to call this gaav or nothing at all.
10. Kolhapuri chappal
So you discovered a roadside chappal store when your cab broke down and made you get down on the hot Mumbai streets for the first time in your corporate life? You saw Kolhapuri chappals there and bought them for 200 bucks! Very nice very nice! Oh you didn’t? You bought these at an overpriced foreign store selling authentic Indian chappals? Why don’t you eat them for lunch?
11. Your mother tongue
So you know the language those weird people who live in your house speak. Congratulations!
12. Bus rides
For some people, this is daily life; for some people, these are weekend rides posted on social media about “Getting the feel of the city.” And people think Rahul Gandhi is privileged.
13. Eating fruits
Seriously. You had to read online and be told by dieticians who took payment from you that you need to eat fruits? Omg, you also learned you have to eat seasonal fruits? Omfg, you also learned there are fruits apart from melons, apples, bananas and oranges? Congratulations to you sir. You must be definitely from a far off place or South Mumbai/Delhi, because we have been eating these forever here and even have our favourite ones. Heard of Karvanda and Tadgolas?
14. Actual photographs
You know a guy who has a Red Room? Amazing. We used to have options. And photos. And memories. And sessions where we would take out old albums and view them.
15. Remix songs
The latest Bollywood movie with a remix song because taking up music from the west is no longer legal? We grew up listening to remixes in the 90s and 2000s.
16. Stand up comedy
No, stand up comedy in India is not new. Consider yourself worthy of dying in a Rohit Shetty car explosion stunt for thinking that. What was Johnny Lever? Doodhwala?
17. Having a bike
Middle class India has practically grown up on two wheelers. If you unnecessarily get turned on by the idea of a two wheeler, please stop watching English movies and serials and watch Jackie Shroff in Hero.
18. Having a tattoo
Yes, tattoos are so modern, everyone till our grandparents’ generation sported them. Remember Shantabai written on your grandmother’s arm? In Devnaagri?
19. Having a beard & long hair
Anybody who never worked in the corporate or the military, always sported a beard, because it is an effing pain to get rid of it everyday. Our generation did not think of a beard first. Only our parent’s generation was weird enough to keep scraping off hair off a particular part of their body, every effing single day of their entire lives.
20. Exercising & yoga
Suryanamaskars, pull ups and dips on double bars, actual playing around in the evening, running, swimming was part of not only our growing up but our parents’ daily routines, including a lot of things we did without knowing they were yoga. Now, not a single day goes without you instagramming your once-a-month attempts at losing weight and that is all that exercise means to you.
Omg, a tree! Omg, a stream! Omg, sky! Omg, a firefly! Omg, a non-pigeon bird! Omg, omg everywhere!
So you don’t remember All The Best, Shriman Shrimati, Grihlaxmi ka Jinn, Flop Show, Dekh Bhai Dekh, Jabaan Sambhal Ke? You think The Big Bang Theory is the funniest thing that happened on TV ever? Do yourself a favour and lock yourself in the bathroom till Sarabhai vs Sarabhi starts season 2.
23. Being independent
You don’t want a job, you can cook for yourself and you can keep the house clean without a maid? Well, congratulations on being a human! Which can apparently keep you out of jail, if you know what I mean, wink wink.
What other ways do you think we live our lives but hype it more than is strictly necessary? Don’t agree with what I say? Tell me why in the comments.