The office – a space where working professionals spend a major part of their “productive” lives (Minus the time spent at the water filter, coffee machine or on that not-very-occasional smoke break). It is in this space that we interact with all kinds of people – whether we like them or not – who are our colleagues. Whether it is a cheerful place like an advertising agency or a more serious place like a bank, there are some types of employees who are common across all offices.
Here they are in no particular order!
1. The YES Man.
This guy has had the words ‘Yes Boss’ tattooed on his forearm and does not lose an opportunity to flaunt it to anyone who matter.. He smokes coz his boss does, drinks coz his boss does and even coordinates his visit to the men’s room with the boss, just so it would give him those extra 5 minutes with him.
2. The Hot Intern.
She is the reason why the attendance of men in office is consistently 100% for two months in the year. Side effects include, a sudden increase in the number of men taking up gym memberships or running marathons, decline in productivity and increase in the overall level of “Team Bonding Exercises”.
3. The Lecher.
The one man who can make women of all age groups cower and cover up at the same time. He possesses the superhuman quality of making the most innocent words sound like sexual innuendoes:
“Sir, here is my report”
“Mmmm… Would you like to make my report too? He he he”
“Sir, here’s your coffee”
“Mmmm.. would you like to stir my coffee? He he he”
4. The Woman.
On the other end of the spectrum is the lady who never lets you forget what genitals she is born with. She will show cleavage where convenient, tears where necessary and the threat of a sexual abuse complaint where neither of the earlier two work.
5. The (not so) Secretive Couple.
Every office has that one budding love story that everyone else in the office knows about…except the couple themselves! They pretend nothing is going on and also seem to believe without a shred of doubt, that people around them are blind!
6. The Star.
The Arnold Schwarzenegger of the office, this person is the one that runs on a never ending supply of energy, luck and rights answers! Everyone hates this person but cannot help admiring him/her secretly.
7. The Argumentative Indian.
Internal meetings are this person’s battlefield! He/she makes it a point to argue their way into and out of any discussion. While sometimes the arguments help you see a different point of view, most times you just wish the person was on TV – so you can mute their voice out at will!
8. The Hermione Granger.
With her hand raised for any question asked by any superior of any office, she is unable to stop herself from speaking before anyone else when asked for an idea or opinion. And the overenthusiastic contributor will raise her hand even when she doesn’t really have anything to contribute!
9. The Desk-eater.
If you ever suffer from low blood sugar, you know exactly who has the fix! That person at the corner left desk who seems to be constantly eating! Where does all that food come from? And more importantly, where does it all go!?
10. Crib-master Ro Ro.
This person has an issue with the A/C, the Cafeteria food, the long working hours, the pay, the boss, the boss’ spouse, the boss’ kids, his/her own family, health, the government, the bad roads, the universe, the big bang, everything. A 5 minute conversation with this person can depress the shit out of the rest of your day or turn you into the most grateful person for your own life!
11. The Almost Entrepreneur.
This person wants to quit their job RIGHT NOW coz he/she wants to start something of their own. The only problem is that this has been a dream in the making for at least the last 20 years.
12. The Gossip Monger.
This person spends more time at the coffee machine and water filter than at her desk. She knows every relationship, romance, breakup, affair story there is to know. And she wants to tell it to you. But only if you will give her a story in return!
13. The Friend Maker.
You know those people who think everyone is their friend? And who smile too much and ask you too many questions and offer a shoulder where none is needed? Yup, exactly that person you are thinking about. They take people more seriously than work. And that is a good thing. But not when work suffers so much, it has a mind to slap an abuse case against them.
14. The Hungovers.
They practically have a party every alternate day. They go out to drink, they call you home to drink, they drink by themselves and occasionally eat, smoke, snort, sniff, smell. They wear shades to work every day because their eyes are too red. You never know whether they are awake during meetings or not and you hear them snore at their desk while seeming to look at the computer screen.
Did we miss any? What kind of office goers do you meet in your daily life? But more importantly, which one are you?