An analysis on why every IPL team name is so shitty!
The newly formed Pune team in the IPL announced its new name, and the name was so long, even Telugu guys are going ‘Dude, WTF?’
The official name of the team is Rising Pune Super Giants. Honestly, what sort of a name is that?
The Indian Premier League has always had weird names. The most obvious observation is our obsession with royalty. The Britishers absolved kingdoms some 150 years ago, but we still harbor royal fantasies. Look at the names – Chennai Super Kings, Kings XI Punjab, Rajasthan Royals, and even terrible product placement – Royal Challengers Bangalore.
I have given the question ample thought, and yet I fail to arrive at the answer. Why are the names of Indian sporting franchises so stupid? All over the world, city sporting franchises follow a simple rule of thumb. The name of the city, followed by a suffix. For eg. Chicago Bulls, Melbourne Renegades, Dhaka Dynamites, or the highly imaginative Karachi Dolphins.
But our Indian guys want to stand out. They want to project the 5000 year rich history of knowledge through IPL names. Which has resulted in IPL team names that range from the utterly asinine to the overwhelmingly embarrassing. Here’s my list of the worst IPL team names.
1. Mumbai Indians
Much like Mukesh Ambani’s business tactics, the team’s name seems opportunistic. I mean, you can’t use ‘Indians’ in the name man! And what do you do when Dwayne Bravo and Keiron Pollard are playing in the team? The name Mumbai Indians at least seems easy to remember and rings an instant bell, so it ranks first in our list of descending logic.
2. Delhi Daredevils
Think about it, only a city like Delhi could come up with a name like ‘Daredevils’ for a team. Cricket is a game of patience and strategy, not really daredevil in nature. I mean, it is cricket for heaven’s sake, not WWF!
3. Sunrisers Hyderabad
This name is truly abstract. Nobody knows what the hell it even means in the first place. Sunrisers? Is it a bunch of dudes who wake up with the sun? Or do they rise like the sun? Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Who rolled the joints? Have you got more?
4. Kochi Tuskers Kerala
This one was another bummer. Really? Elephants?? Just because it’s Kerala? Do we really need to bring out the stereotypes in matters of team names? With all your Tharoor swag, ‘Kochi Tuskers’ is the name you could come up with? After the name was finalized, I can imagine Tharoor sipping on Earl’s Grey tea and cursing, ‘Oh golly! This is bloody bollocks! I could kill the person who gave this…Oh! Hi, Sunanda. Come, sit sit’.
5. Kings XI Punjab
Guys, we need to calm down a bit here. Kings XI? Which king? And what does ‘Kings XI Punjab’ mean anyway? I understand there’s that sacks of heroin coming in from Pakistan. But do we have to show it out to the world like this?
6. Pune Warriors India
This one proves that old habits die hard. The Pune team, owned by the Sahara group, paid 1200 crores for a team which contained Saurav Ganguly, Ashok Dinda, and Ajit Agarkar among others. Not only did the team suck donkey balls, their name seemed like someone on meth conjured it up. ‘Pune Warriors’ is fine, but what does ‘Pune Warriors India’ mean? Pune Warriors, India division? Do they also have a Pune Warriors Syria version too? Dafuq, guys?
After eight years of watching IPL, I realize we are a flashy nation. Not with our clothes and cars and houses. But with our IPL names. And just as two new franchises were announced, the Pune team came out with its own name. Not two words, not even three words. They went for four words.
Rising Pune Super Giants
And where does this end? Every new team henceforth will outdo the previous one.
Ranchi Marching Super Commando Dhruvs.
Nagpur Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar Marauders.
Jodhpur Har Har Mahadev Attackers and Defenders.
Pondicherry Morning Night Gunpowder Full Power Super Chargers.
Bhubaneswar Jai Bolo Sri Sri Sri Jackie Shroff Maharaj Ki Jai Cricketers.