Every morning is just another part of the traffic history. Benson Bruno wisely quoted: “History is an endless repetition of the element of surprise”. There is no surprise in how much surprised you are everyday watching all sorts of people driving on the road. The truth is that some are good but most of them are beyond our understanding. (Actually clowns.)
1. The signal breakers.
These lawless people think that road is their property and rules are meant for the idiots. They are not afraid to get caught because they drive with the philosophy “ Yeh India hai, yaha pe sab chalta hai”. They are very much inspired from Mika’s song “Aaj saare signal todange”.
An Advice: Traffic Police is watching you, so follow the rules.
2. The “Turtles” in the rabbit race.
They are never running late. Never. They usually maintain a distance of at least 50 meters. (Nobody knows why!) They drive at the speed of 20 km/hr. (That’s the max they go.)
An Advice (To Turtles): Congrats!!! You are always on time but others might be just getting late, so press on the gas.
Also, when driving slow, all the disturbing elements don’t distract you.
3. The Accident Pron-ers.
These reckless bastards think they are the undisputed king of roads. They will sneak past you like a bee and gave you panic attacks every now and then.
An Advice: Don’t overtake them and continue driving in your lane.
4. The Cyclewalas: The luckiest ones.
They are lost in their own fantasy world and will teach you the biggest lesson of your life – less is more. The word “traffic” doesn’t exist in their dictionary.
An Advice: Prefer cycle instead of bikes for short distances. Also it burns calories!
*The young lad (in the pic) is thinking: “So, who is coming first?*
5. The No-Approach-wallas.
Yes! They have with them updated license, R.C and pollution control check-up but traffic police will still find some or the other reason to fine them. No “Minister” in their contact list.
An Advice: Try squiggling your way but don’t lecture them on what’s fair and what’s not. AND befriend an MLA’s son.
6. The Whistle Blowers.
Mind You! They are driving on the road for no reason and will make cheap comments at every girl passing by. These are usually the “thaarkees” with no girlfriends.
An Advice (To the whistle blowers): Stop this s**t and learn to respect women.
7. The Honest Lift-ers. (They give lift to everyone.)
Honestly, I just love them. They have a pure heart and will stop by whenever someone asks them for a lift. True heroes!
No advice for them. Just keep up the kind work.
8. The “Performers” of the road concert.
They are the real cause of noise pollution. They love to flaunt and will send the loudest I-just-bought-the-most-expensive-speakers message. They also suffer from hearing problems for obvious reasons.
An Advice: You can register a complaint against them or recommend an ENT specialist to them. In fact you should!
9. The Jatts.
They carry no government documents (that’s their fundamental right) but definitely have the phone numbers of all the MLA’s in the phonebook. For them, freedom is just a call away
An Advice: No advice. You know why!
10. The Profane Drivers.
They are actually fucked up with their life and also want everyone’s life to be fucked up just like theirs. If you try to overtake them or accidently hit – just hit – their vehicle then get ready to hear some of the most profound gaalis of all time.
An Advice: Just avoid them.
11. The Socially Focused.
For some social freaks updating their Facebook status is more important than seeing in the rear view mirror, which eventually leads to unnecessary traffic. You feel like yelling “Are you retarded?” to them, but in case she is a girl, you will be like…
An Advice : Gesture them to keep their phone away but in a polite way.
12. The Directionless.
You were getting late and traffic jam met you, just because an idiot’s car ran out of fuel in the middle of the road. Not your fault I guess.
Advice (To yourself ): It is just one of those bad days. Calm down!
13. The “Anna Hazare” of the traffic jams.
He is a true genius and will take the responsibility of controlling the traffic in the absence of the traffic inspector.
An Advice: Be “Anna Hazare”.
Anymore you may have spotted on your daily drive?