Most of us want love in our lives and yet it seems to elude many of us. What are we doing wrong? Is there real love out there? Before you get all philosophical about the love you deserve from others, make sure that you take the following steps:
1. First, define what love means for you.
It’s not enough to have a vague notion of what you want, you must know what you want. Would you like a partner who offers support or one who’ll go on adventure trips with you? Would you prefer someone who likes to stay at home or someone who’ll take you out every weekend? Really, sit and think about what kind of love are you looking for.
2. Let go of the past.
You may have been badly hurt and may have set up some walls around yourself or you may have grown up in a family where there were no healthy love relationships, so you are not sure of how to go about being in a relationship. Don’t let the past hold you back. Your goal is to look for the type of partner who will walk with you through this maze called ‘a relationship’.
3. Believe that love with come your way.
There’s nothing worse than meeting people who have no hope; they’re depressing to be around and have a negative outlook. You need to be positive about the future. Have faith that you will find what you’re looking for. When you meet new people, do it with the faith that each new person has something to teach you, whether you know them a long or a short while.
4. Realize that you are a complete person.
There has been too much talk of love completing a person; that’s nonsense. It’s not like single people are half a person. Go out and explore your interests instead of waiting for someone to come into your life before you do so. That way, there’s a greater chance of meeting a like-minded person or being a more interesting person when the right one does come along.
5. Know that love rarely happens in an instant.
Love at first sight is a superficial kind of love; true love takes patience and understanding. You have to not only know the positive points of a person but also their negative qualities before you can truly be in love with them. Don’t be an impatient judge; give people a chance to reveal their true selves to you before you accept or dismiss them as potential love interests.
6. Go deeper than the skin.
If you’re fixated on a certain type of look or physique, realize that you’re not only limiting your options but also overlooking some perfectly lovely people who may not have the best features or physique. It’s okay to have a few hang-ups but don’t have a whole trunk full of them. Would you rather have someone who’ll take care of you when you’re sick or someone who could grace a magazine cover?
7. Be comfortable in your own skin.
As long as you chase an imagined idealistic partner, you’ll pretend to be someone you’re not. Give up on that and be who you are. Dress, behave and live as you like to so that when someone falls in love with you, it’s the real you that they love. There’s no point in getting into a relationship and then pretending to be someone you’re not as long as that relationship lasts.
8. Break your patterns.
If you are a nurturing person, chances are that you’ll attract someone who wants you to ‘mother’ them. If you’re generous, you’ll attract those who want you to spend on them. Make sure that you’re not always the one taking care or paying the bills. Start off with your friends and family. That way, when you’re in a relationship, you’ll have your needs met as well.
9. Approach life and people with a “Yes”.
How many times have you turned down an invitation because you wanted to stay at home? Or how many times did you ignore a person because you thought they seemed ‘not your type’? Learn to live like you’re willing to know and learn from all the experiences that life will throw your way. Talk to people who seem different from you. Say “Yes” to an invite even if you don’t know anyone else there.
10. Don’t rush into anything.
So you had one great conversation with someone new, don’t think they’re your soul mate. Maybe they were drunk or high or just friendly. Take it slow. Get to know them better before you start building up dreams in your head. Forget all your seduction techniques and your little manipulative games; just try to let the relationship develop at its own pace. Don’t pressurize them into any kind of situation.
11. Definitely don’t rush into sex.
Sex can be a great experience, no doubt, but it can also seem cheap and awkward if done at the wrong time and with the wrong mindset. If you’re just looking for sex, then you can find that easily; it’s love that’s harder to find. Let your relationship first reach a level that you both feel is comfortable and honest and allows a free-flow of communication before you have sex.
12. Put yourself out there.
This is easier said than done, especially if you are shy or introverted. You might be a lovely person, but if no one can find you, no one can love you. Go out and meet people. Give time to the people who are in your life. If you like someone, just politely ask them if they’d like to have a cup of coffee/tea or watch a movie with you sometime. Remember, the strongest regrets are of things left undone.
13. Try online dating.
Most of us spend a big part of our lives on the internet, so why not use it to find someone you really like? However, online dating can be tricky. Don’t judge people too harshly for their profile pics or their bios. If someone strikes your fancy, give them a chance. You can safely get to know people from the comfort of your home before you decide they’re worth a meeting, so what’s the harm?