While the Rajiv Gandhi government criminalized weed (also called marijuana, pot, bhaang, ganja) back in 1985 after centuries and centuries of usage in India with little documentation of real harm, people actually do not care continue to consume god’s ‘green’ creation for recreational and other purposes.
But this is not to trivialize the effects of any mind-altering substance, be it legal or illegal, alcohol, tobacco or weed.
At the same time, while alcohol has predictable and similar results on most people, weed can have a variety of trippy effects so much so that people almost have their own ‘Ganja Personality’!
Here is a list of all kinds of people that emerge on the other side of Jai Bholenath!
1. The Bakasura
Those people in the group who don’t just get the munchies, they become blackholes. If it looks like food, even if it is ripe, cooked or raw, they will get it and will eat it. Biscuit se leke batata, everything vanishes and the next morning, the kitchen looks like a new born baby.
2. The Diljale
These ones go on a bad trip invariably. No matter whether they do it alone or in a group, if they are stoned, they are crying – about their recent heartbreak, the government, their parents, the system, capitalism…
3. The Hasmukh
Have weed, will laugh – that’s the motto of this person. From ‘Pineapple Express’ to ‘Gangs of Wasseypur’, everything will be the funniest thing they have just watched.
4. The Bhaang Premi
This person is in love with the idea of weed itself. The way it makes you laugh, the way it makes food taste so much better, the way it makes music better, weed is the answer to all problems of ennui.
5. The Wannabe
All groups have wannabes. While the Bhaang Premi logically loves the substance, these ones only want to be seen as cool, adult, rebellious or whatever it is that they think they will look like because of smoking up. They will flaunt their Bob Marley stuff, say words like “Rastafarian” and “Mary Jane” and no respectable smoker will ever have respect for these.
6. The Buddhijeevi
The Buddhijeevi will start waxing philosophical the moment the maal hits him/her. He/she suddenly realises why the current government is failing, how Moksha and Maya are related, why time is relative and why Jai Ho didn’t deserve the Oscar.
7. The Mind Reader
These freaky ones suddenly develop so much empathy, you think they suddenly have access to all of your brain. Right from what you are thinking to how you reached those thoughts to how amazed you are at their ability to ascertain your thoughts, they will lay you bare in front of yourself.
8. The Kavi
The Kavi will wax poetic as much as the Buddhijeevi waxes philosophical. They will suddenly write, compose, draw, create… And not all of it very good. Well, they don’t think so, but what can we say…
9. The Main-kaun-hun
When they do the weed deed, they lose their minds completely. No, they don’t become mad, it is just that they lose all track of being sentient. Their short term memory goes for a toss – by the time you end a sentence, they don’t know the beginning of it. Talking to them becomes an impossible task.
10. The Fuck Face
The worse of the Main Kaun Hun people even lose their face. Suddenly they become slack, listless, their mouth hangs open and you are left wondering whether they are breathing.
11. The Safai Kaamgar
As much as it makes you lazy, weed can make you conscious of your surroundings. And the safai kaamgars want the best surroundings possible. So they will suddenly go on a house cleaning spree. And god save you if they think they need your help…
12. The Jhagdalu
Pity those who have a post weed jhagdalu in their midst. Usually genial, social, soft spoken, weed brings out the intellectual arguer from inside them. They don’t get argumentative as much as irrationally logical. Best of luck dealing with them if you aren’t them.
13. The YouTuber
As much as the Bakasur is a blackhole for edibles, the YouTuber will binge watch random, obscure shows, series and appreciate the fact that YouTube, more than the general junta, is really made for the stoners, by the stoners.
14. The Phattu
They smoke and they start imagining the worst. What if one of their friends is a secret police informant who will tell the police about the weed? What if their parents are on the way back? What if they are not alone in the house after all…
15. The Weed Waster
These are almost the worst. They smoke and smoke and smoke and nothing happens to them. You promise yourself to not give them anything ever, but then you give in again…
16. The Chatter
You know those ones, who suddenly are MORE genial after weed? They will be more interested in what you are saying, your lives, your desires, ambitions, how you put too much salt in a dish that had no salt to begin with. You almost love them…
17. The Microscope
These are the ones that symbolize the whole power of weed. They start noticing subtle differences, details you miss in sober life. That bass note in the familiar song, the aftertaste of their favourite drink, the way a muscle relaxes after they stretch it, how you look a certain way… Depending on their original proclivity, this infusion of details will make them into any of the above. The details look funny? The Hasmukh. The details are about you? The Mind Reader. The details are about what you are saying? The Jhagdalu. You get the point?
We know we haven’t missed any kinds because we don’t miss detail. Comment in peace.