1. “No I’m NOT!! How could you?!?”
Well, that is the easiest way to find out. If any of the following pointers show even slight resemblance to any of your habits, you’ll narrow your eyes, tighten your lips, and intensely growl – “That’s not true!”
2. No one can ridicule your favourite cricketer or actor, or even soda brand, and live to tell the tale
You just can’t allow your favourite stars to be mocked. It’s not just joke on them, but a question mark against all your lifestyle choices.
3. You consider it a collaborated act of conspiracy when Indian movies go awardless in International Film Festivals
It doesn’t matter whether you’ve seen the ones that got awarded, but if an Indian movie got nominated, not winning means it’s you they are offending.
4. Your Facebook wall and Twitter page are filled with life altering quotes, composed exclusively by you
You just have to resort to your best possible diction and update your status so that people can know that it just got serious.
5. You won’t go to their place if they didn’t come to your place
‘It’s a matter of pride!’, ‘It’s a one on one battle!’ are the thought filling your head. This is definitely one of the most common Indian ways to hold a grudge.
6. You’ll stop work instantly if someone questions your way of doing it, no matter how urgent or important
Every time somebody tries to tell you how to do your job, you’re like – “So you know a better way to do it? Well, do it yourself then.”
7. You get way too emotional and angry when people ask you about your girlfriend/boyfriend/ex
You are always on guard about this most sensitive of topics. Any questions from anyone about your love life are out line. It is dangerous to upset you with any jokes about your flame.
8. You can’t handle it when youngsters don’t take you seriously
You have a very short temper when it comes to children, and you succeed in developing personal vendettas even against toddlers who disobey you.
9. You can’t stand it when elders don’t take you seriously
You always find a reason to shed tears every time an elder finds a fault in you. Additionally, you cry even when they don’t listen to you. It’s a matter of feeling valuable after all.
10. Even your best of friends have to devise a safe way to convey disapproval
Any form of criticism from anyone feels like an up close and personal attack to you and you end up getting angry at the messenger himself. Often your friends decide to learn to look the other way instead.
11. Wrong decision by umpire/referee against INDIA?!? Time to become the sports revolutionary
You suddenly feel the need to change the entire world of sports administration. That particular wrong decision against India feels like just right the nudge required to start an all out protest this plight of your nation is facing.
12. Everyone in your friend circle has a funny nickname, but you don’t
It’s not like your name leaves no scope for a nickname or that your actions don’t fit for one. The horror of the situation in case you don’t find it funny is just too big a risk to take.
13. Even the smallest of your conflicts and confusions while shopping are discussed and argued about in the family living room for hours
The shopkeeper, or the lady in front of you might have gotten away with saying something, but your folks aren’t going anywhere without hearing the end of it.
14. Every healthy debate with you inevitably turns into a spiteful quarrel
You always manage to convert even the smallest of disagreements into long war of words sessions. You get offended just by knowing that someone opposes your point of view.
15. You start looking for new friends every time the old ones laugh together without involving you
If you are insecure about losing significance, or whenever you feel like you are not aware of all the secrets in your friends group, and instead of getting close with people you start looking for alternative people, then you most definitely belong in this group.
16. You can’t listen to news about your area without complaining over its inaccuracy
You feel infuriated and unrepresented every time events regarding your neighborhood are in the news and you are not there to authenticate of every word of that story. It seems as if the news people always miss a point or two.
17. You consider it to be a blunder if things are altered while you were away
You just can’t stand it when people start doing new or different stuff when you’re not there. It feels like they disregarded your opinions.
18. You fiercely reply to hurtful words, till you are alone, at which point you burst out crying
You easily break down, and struggle to hold it in just long enough to be not seen weeping. But in the solitude of your room, you reel over the matter for hours and hours.
19. Your state. Your town. Your responsibility to aptly answer anybody who says anything about it
Among colleagues and friends, it feels absolutely axiomatic that you allow no jokes about your state go unanswered in your presence.
20. You feel insulted when international news channels feature stories about India’s troubles
It feels like all foreigners only see our poor, corrupt and the polluted. You start thinking that all other countries have joined hands to not let you be seen as anything more.
21. You feel insulted when international news channels don’t feature events occurring in India
You watched an hour long bulletin on BBC and no mention of India? It suddenly feels as if you are being internationally ignored.
22. You can’t tolerate it when Indian models don’t win beauty pageants
It doesn’t matter all year long. But just for days after results of competitions like Miss World are announced, you get busy finding reasons of how these pageants reek of foul play. Every official involved gets the blame.
23. You often get frustrated when your mother and her friends talks about you at parties
You feel as if they’re all gathered to talk about your bad habits, and your mom’s soul ambition is to embarrass you by publicizing faults. Result – all the built up rage surfaces once you reach home.
24. Your religious beliefs are meant to be either followed, or left alone. Any further questions are offensive, and disrespectful
You just can’t bear to listen to anything that even slightly questions your faith. Anyone who jokes is a lifelong enemy of your people.
25. And finally, you always conclude by declaring the matter to be the source of all problems of India
It will always end with “yahi to iss desh ki problem hai”
You blame the issue which upset you for being the single greatest reason behind all of India’s national concerns. As if it was always obvious.