In the last decade or so more people have realized the benefits of maintaining a healthy and in shape body than ever before in India. This has led to a good spike in the number of gyms in the country especially metros and the tier one/two cities. Practically all our Bollywood stars are on top of the fitness mantra and at least sport a six pack if not eight. But there is one thing common amongst all gyms, the stereotypes that visit them. Be it a Gold’s Gym, Studio Gyms or simply the local strongman’s basement gym. Here is an attempt to make a broad classification of the guys you come across in an Indian Gym.
1. Maal Aunty
Don’t get me wrong, she probably wouldn’t get offended if you called her that, after all she has toiled and worked at it to keep her looking that way. But the make up well wasn’t really necessary. She regularly chats up the trainer, makes eye contact with the the models (we will come to this guy later) and possibly is looking for some action and adventure out of her mundane everyday life.
Favorite Workout: Exercise ball, Stretching
Attire: Yoga pants & tee (and they look like they have been made for body).
Quote Unquote: “Excuse me, yeh exercise kaise karte hain.”
Best specimens can be found in: Mumbai, Delhi
2. The Babe
There is usually one of them in a gym, or least within a time slot. She is smart, in shape and knows all heads turn when she enters the gym. She rarely makes any eye contact, often wears a cap and headphones and avoids all conversation possible. Try to talk to her; don’t be surprised if you get a rude reply.
Favorite Workout: Elliptical, Treadmill
Attire: Yoga pants & tank tops + best looking sneakers
Quote Unquote: “I can’t hear what you’re saying so basically fuck off.”
Best species observed in: Bangalore, Delhi
3. The Cousins
These ones are usually the gym owners cousins, relatives, out of gym cat call buddies. You can mostly see them huddled around the owner’s desk chatting him up with either cricket, business ideas or bust & hip measurements of “The Babe” & the “Maal Aunty”. I doubt any of them pay to use the gym.
Favorite Workout: What workout
Attire: T-shirt, very old pair of trainers or simply flip flops
Quote Unquote: “Bhey protein liya karr bhai tu, bata mera bhai ki dookan hai bagal mein laake du.”
Best specimens can be found in: Gurgaon, Chennai
4. The Model
Focused on his goal to enter the Indian Saas- Bahu serial diaspora, this is the male version of the babe. Gets right to his exercises and jump sets and pyramid sets and set within sets and more sets. He is an inspiration for “The Machinist” and “The Fratpack”. Often carries his business card even to the gym, you never know when a producers wife walks in. Usually ends up sleeping with the Maal Aunty.
Favorite Workout: Abs, Shoulders, Triceps
Attire: T-shirt/Vest, latest in track pant technology.
Quote Unquote: “Hi! Myself Aryan Singh, freelance model. What you do?”
Best specimens can be found in: Practically entire North India
5. The Aaloos
This is a broad specimen of all the girls who you see in the gym all year round working their ass out, but always look the same—like the aaloo. If you manage to catch one outside the gym, don’t be surprised if they are hogging on some samosa, aaloo patty or vada pao etc. After all you are what you eat.
Favorite Workout: Sweating
Attire: Very loose T-shirts
Quote Unquote: “Main Aaloo ke pakode mein bilkul kaam namak dalti hu, it is bad for health you know”
Best specimens can be found in: Where there is aaloo, there is the aaloos.
6. The Machinist
This is probably the skinniest guy you’ve ever seen in your life. You will mostly find him struggling with the lowest weights possible. Poor guy gets pushed around a lot too or mauled by the words of the unsolicitor.
Favorite Workout: Dumbbell Curls (he thinks bigger biceps will magically transform his entire body)
Attire: He does not wear clothes, rather the clothes wear him
Quote Unquote: “Bhaiya Aapko is machine mein aur kitna der lagega”
Best specimens can be found in: They are hard to find, look close enough and you will spot one in every gym.
7. The Fratpack
This is the most energetic and entertaining of all the gym rats. They come in groups of three to five and are usually from the same college or office. They spent more time encouraging and spotting each other than doing actual exercise themselves. You will probably hear the word bro more times from their mouths than the entirety of your life. Their intentions of coming to the gym may vary from actual bodybuilding to meeting girls or simple hangout time pass. They are the babes nightmare.
Favorite Workout: Barbell Curls
Attire: Shorts, Sleeveless Tees, Caps, Sunglasses in the gym, headphones, ipod, Oculus
Quote Unquote: “Come on Bro ! Ek Aur”
Best specimens can be found in: South Delhi, Mumbai, Bangalore, Pune, Chennai
8. The Unsolicitor
This is the free advise guy, looks like a pencil but knows the best technique for every exercise and he wants to share them with you too. Oh you don’t want advise, no problem you must have it anyways because this guy doesn’t give up. This is the worst guy in the gym right next to the Zombie.
Favorite Workout: Talking
Attire: Arm bands, Head bands, Gloves
Quote Unquote: “Bhaiya isko aise naai, thoda bend hooke. Hahn, yes, Aise. Aapko technique nahi aata. Koi baat nai I am there for you”
Best specimens can be found in : All Gyms have this motherfucker!
9. The Hulk
This is the guy who has been gymming since he saw the light of the day. He has so many muscles that every time you see him flex or do a rep it seems like his skin will explode. Those dumbbells which are so big and you always wonder who actually would use them. Well those were kept there for this guy.
Favorite Workout: Bench Press
Attire: XXL T shirts which look small on this guy
Quote Unquote: “Bhen **** ”
Best specimens can be found in: Haryana!
Other honorable mentions are:
The Zombie: This is that dude who perpetually checks other people work out.
The Homeless Guy: No matter what time you go to the gym, you will always see him there.
Hugh Grunt: You will recognize this guy from his grunts.