Everyone loves a good house party. It’s the perfect occasion for friends, old and new to get together, let their hair down and have a blast. And each house party has its own quirky characters that make it what it is.
Without further ado, here are the 10 types of people you will see at EVERY houseparty!
1. The bottomless pit
This is the guy who knocks down peg after peg after peg, consistently and without repercussions. It doesn’t matter what the alcohol is. The bottomless pit will down everything from a pauvva of desi to a JD without coke with equal relish. You can’t help but wonder if he has a liver of steel. However, no matter how much he drinks, he always seems to be in his senses and will rarely cause any trouble.
2. The stoner
This person is more interested in the house than in the party. A house party to them is a place to safely smoke magical plants without such minor inconveniences as police. They are usually found in a corner of the house with other like-minded, all listening to Bob Marley with tomato red eyes.
3. The host
This is the person whose parents own the house. Usually the most frazzled out of the lot, they are caught between trying to enjoy the party, keeping the noise and trash down to a minimum, and thinking of contingencies, in case family, pesky neighbours or other undesirables drop in without notice. Can be seen moving around the house looking for stray ashtrays and beer bottles and helplessly asking people to keep the noise down.
4. The hottie
This good looking and popular guy or girl is the life of the party. They are friends with everyone, and everyone wants to be friends with them. They are invited to the party with the hope that they will get more of their species to tag alone. Can be heard complaining about the lack of hot people at the party and in life in general.
5. The cheapskate
This person is perpetually broke, but comes to the party anyway. They will get drunk by begging, borrowing and stealing small amounts of booze from everybody. They will show up just as someone is lighting a cigarette, ask for a drag, and then disappear with it. They are also the reason for the mysterious disappearance of large quantities of Biryani and will also deplete the stoner’s stash for good measure. No one likes them and they know it, but when mooching is a way of life, caring about social opinion isn’t.
6. The unicycle
This person usually tags along, uninvited, with the cheapskate. They are single, and a bit too ready to mingle, sometimes even salaciously. They show up to the party hoping the hottie is also attending, expecting to get lucky. The hottie knows about their reputation and avoids them like the plague.
7. The Jagjit Singh
This person is fresh out of a breakup, and seeks solace in drowning their aching heart in cheap alcohol. They cannot stop talking about their ex and ends up drunk calling said ex, while everyone else is subjected to their embarassing heart to heart phone conversation. Usually seen in the company of the bottomless pit, trying to match him peg for peg, while playing Atif Aslam’s version of “Sharaabi Aankhein“.
8. The love birds
This couple scans the house for an empty room as soon as they reach and promptly lock themselves in. They tend to resurface about halfway into the party with sheepish looks on their faces, usually after insistent knocking by the worried host or by another couple. Certain members of this species are not cowed down by logistical difficulties such as the lack of an empty room, and get down to business in full view of other people, thus causing considerable angst to the unicycle.
9. The Noob
This person has lived an “Adarsh Balak” life till now. They come to the party wanting to try new things in life. They almost always end up being overzealous with predictable and messy results. If the host is lucky, they will find their way to the toilet before the countdown reaches zero. Usually seen sprawled in the back of someone’s car as they are driven home, unresponsive as a dead body.
10. The irate neighbours
They are the bane of every house party ever. They interrupt the party multiple times to complain about the noise being too loud, the whole corridor smelling of cigarettes and other plants, and the deterioration of Indian culture amongst today’s kids in general. Some especially troublesome members of this species may threaten to call the host’s family to complain, thus putting the whole party scene in grave danger. Can usually be seen lurking about grumpily, harassing the host incessantly and eating the souls of baby unicorns for lunch.
Had an experience with a house party gone wrong? Had the awesomemest party ever? Think we’ve missed out someone? Tell us and we may just invite you to our party!