Who said that superheroes are right in every way? Sure they save the world and beat the pulp out of bad guys, but they have their vices too. The most glaring one, obviously, is how disrespectful they are to Mother Nature, which is ironic because there are so many green superheroes out there.
7. Martian Manhunter
He may look tame, lack an understanding of his powers and even suck at being a superhero, but….that’s not all! J’onn J’onzz or Martian Manhunter comes from a non-existent land, in search of a place called home. He found Earth and decided to mooch off of it for years, this at a time when we’re barely able to sustain ourselves. Please understand Mr. Manhunter (which isn’t an appealing name on Earth), go fly around space. We don’t have the resources to spare.
6. Green Lanturn
(I’m gonna put on J. Jonah. Jameson’s hat for this one) The Green Lanturn? Whos’ that? Some mutant frog on meth? He’s a superhero? He converts his willpower into energy? What happens to that energy? Where does it dissipate? How is it affecting us? He’s a menace I tell you, a menace to society like Spider-Man. Peter, come here. I want photos of this frog. What? $100 per photo? I’ll give you $7. Now get out before my head blows off and you’re framed for my murder.
5. Green Arrow
You’d think he’s pretty useless, and he is. Not only does he have the most clichéd super “power” on the planet, but he has the audacity to blow stuff up with it. The Green Arrow has an arsenal of arrows which he infuses with random, dangerous things to help him win. Off the top of my head, he has fire, poison, nukes, bombs and sometimes even splits these to make multiple arrows. Somebody hasn’t watched an inconvenient truth *cough* Oliver Queen *cough*.
4. Captain Mar-Vell
This isn’t Stan Lee’s Shazam. On the contrary, Captain Mar-Vell is a Kree, a race of alien lifeform (how original). Anyway, the Kree weren’t able to sustain their resources back on their planet so Captain Mar-Vell decided to draw empathy from the likes of innocent Earthlings. Basically he burns and destroys everything. His hands manifest bombs, bullets and manipulate energy to cause catastrophic effects. Not that I was ever a fan but none of these guys sound like superheroes to me.
3. The Mask
Well at least he makes us laugh while he drains the hope of our future generations. The Mask is, hands down, the funniest superhero around. The only issue is that he’s unconventional at what he does. It’s not Ipkiss’ fault. Like it’s said, the Mask behaves in mischievous ways. The Mask will do anything to get the upper hand; from atomic wedgies to pie bombs, bazookas and even tanks, aircrafts, missiles, blow horns…you name it! “Somebody stop me”….before it’s too late.
2. Swamp Thing
Now here’s a guy you don’t hear of too often, or at all actually. The Swamp Thing or Alex Olsen, as he’s less popularly known, was caught in an explosion of chemicals near a swamp, which mutated his body into…The Swamp Thing. He reeks of it, is covered in it and even looks like it. From the moment he steps on land, he’s a walking biohazard which pollutes everything at once! To make things worse, he’s not even famous! Come on people, if superheroes don’t take accountability for their own actions, then who will? The Government?
1. The Hulk
Speaking of famous superheroes, here’s the deadliest of them all. He has no regard for property and destroys at will. The Hulk or Bruce Banner’s better half, was an unfortunate outcome of a man subjected to extreme radiation and as we know, anything that has radiation gives out radiation. Don’t be surprised if a rational version of The Hulk is released soon in which everything around him either decomposes or becomes a mutant (not like the x-men, I mean stupid mutants like those over-sized turtles who know taekwondo). Until then, he’s free to smash his way to our hearts.