As I child, I sat alone under a broken tree, I imagined the aged roots below enveloped by darkness just as my thoughts. They breathed but their existence was still virgin. I, silently, said all the things that my heart stored in my mind and the head digested it but never appreciated it.
The world within me never reached out to the world outside and in between, nobody knew who I was, neither did I because I was never emotionally visible.
I was afraid to speak my heart.
I was consciously preparing what I had to say. Always.
I used to keep planning the right words that will suit the moment, thinking that others would find it decent and probably admirable. This robotic thinking clouded all the possibilities of creating an ardent conversation with someone.
When you say things that others are expecting to hear from you, you can never really excite them and boredom follows.
To change myself, the first person I learnt to express myself with was me.
I started talking to myself; it sounds insane but it helped. When you are afraid to express your emotions, you explain them to yourself and realize that there is a certain honesty in them. They define and complete you. No matter whether they are right, wrong, practical or impractical. At least they are yours, just yours.
By talking to myself my thoughts found solace but they always longed for someone’s shelter.
The only way to connect with anyone is to express what’s in your heart.
The true bond of friendships and love can never be ignited if the buried emotions don’t find warmth in someone’s else heart. That someone will give you faith and acceptance. Don’t be afraid to tell how you feel because how you feel will separate you from others. Don’t consume your feelings because their right place is in someone’s heart, not your own. Don’t bother if expressing your heart hurts because not expressing it will actually kill you more.