Disney has done a good job messing with women’s head over the years telling them how to think, how to dress, etc. To give credit where due, Disney did stray from the norm with Brave (where it was ok for girls to burp and have *gasp* frizzy hair) and Frozen (whadaaknow, sister love is true). However, the long term damage has been done. Here’s how:
1. Love happens with a BANG and right after you see a person for the first time.
You don’t get to know the person; his likes or dislikes or even talk to him. Your eyes fall on him, you like what you see and your heart should explode like colorful fireworks and little heart balloons should appear all around you. Ladies and gentlemen, THAT is TRUE Love.
2. It is ok for a stranger to give you a smooch…
…even when you are snoozing away blissfully unaware that a complete stranger is placing his pouty and possibly full of spit lips over yours. No, this is not harassment in any way.
3. If you look poor and not all that presentable, no one will love you.
If you haven’t got money for makeup or a plastic surgeon, you had better find a Fairy God mother. ASAP!
4. Marriage is the main goal of every woman.
God forbid should you stay single and pursue a career or do something worthwhile. Unless you marry, you can never ever have a Happily Ever After. There is only a Miserable Ever After then. Don’t even think of becoming an astronaut. All alone, for so long? How would a woman survive?
5. You should change who you are for the one you love.
You should give up your special gifts; change your body (hey Ariel, how’s the tail?) and even your demeanor. While you are at it, you should also leave your family, friends and anyone else who cares about you, for that one man… who you fell in love with when you saw him for the first time.
6. Always marry a Prince.
If you can’t find a prince, then find a rich man. No money = No ‘matrimoney.’
7. If you like to read then be prepared to be cast aside from the rest, and not in a good way.
And if you wish to exercise your brain more than once, then make sure the meaning of your name is ‘beautiful,’ lest we forget beauty is everything. (Belle, ring any bells here?) And always, always always look hot, even while reading.
8. Men are hopeless and can’t do anything. Women need to take care of them.
Whether they come in form of princes or dwarves. They can’t clean, pick up after themselves, cook, etc. YOU have to do it for them. Now go make a sammich.
9. You have to be white.
Even if you are not white…. like Mulan, then you just have to look white then. If you can’t pull that off then resort to showing your mid riff to distract everyone from your color.
10. A woman can only be damsel in distress.
She has to be stranded in the high tower waiting for her knight in shining armor to come save her. She must never attempt to leave herself by taking the stairs, finding her own way or *the horror* slay the dragon herself! NEVER! Even if your hair grows silver and then falls off with age, you wait right there waiting for him!
11. Big buffed up men are misogynistic and dumb.
The bigger the muscles the lesser the brain cells. Gaston anyone? “Books, what are books?”
12. Women must always be beautiful, skinny, and should be able to do everything a dutiful ‘housewife’ does. They are also very obedient. The word ‘No’ does not exist in their dictionaries that they never read.
13. Marry a Prince, even if he is an first-class idiot.
The Prince can be an idiot too, but the Prince-y bit cancels out the idiocy so it’s all good. Marry him, marry him now!