1. Her maintenance would cost you a fortune.
And if you have a mind to back out, remember boys from Rajouri Bagh to Janpat Road are dying to replace you, as she keeps reminding!
2. Clothes, shoes, parties, and shopping is all she talks about.
3. And her dreadful night out plans! God bless your poor soul!
Cannot she for once talk about other things too?
What you want to say:
What you end up actually saying:
4. She is the best. Always. Period.
5. She would never get along with your family.
6. She gets drunk and ruins all your parties.
No party ends without you cleaning the mess: BOTH metaphorically and literally!
7. If not by drinking, she would embarrass you by her dance moves.
(Apparently taught by her ‘Bollywood imported’ choreographer.) Those yucky close dance moves, may be a NO for you in front of the full family, but to her its classy after all.
8. Her driving. Need I say more?
9. And then there’s the selfie mania.
10. Her relatives are a pain in the a***. You finally figured the source of her superpower of getting on your nerves.
“Hum log toh thehre modern! maan gaye , warna Dolly ke liye London, Canaidda, kaha kaha se rishte nahi aye the!”
11. If you marry her, the wedding will exhaust 99.99% of your family savings.
12. Her kitty parties will exhaust the remaining 00.01%.
13. With the passing years, she grows less of a pleasure to the eyes and yappier on the ears.
14. Your 20s is ruined in pursuit of carrying her shopping luggage, 30s in sponsoring her ‘socialite’ lifestyle, and 40s watching the sight of wrapping her XXL body in ‘designer wear’ from Sarojini Nagar.
Because Select Citywalk no longer caters to her size.
15. If you thought it couldn’t get any worse, your 50s would be ruined at the sight of watching your children getting spoilt rotten by their ‘upmarket’ mother.
“Sari galti padosi ke ladke ki thi!” Always!
16. Science has failed to invent any mechanism which will put a stop to a Delhi woman’s magnanimous praises for her own children at social gatherings.
Social gatherings are where you discover that your son whom you have never known to pass in Maths, was offered an admission by the IITs and your daughter who never served you a cup of tea cooks the best Tandoori in Delhi.
17. And her desperation to hook them up with her relations from ‘Canaidda’.
18. And then begin her grand wedding plans.
19. Dowry?!? She is too modern to ask for it. All she wants is a reception at the Taj and performances by Bollywood stars.
“Bollywood nahi?”, ” koi nahi Ji, TV walon KO hi bula lo.” “Itna toh banta hain ji!”
20. And ultimately, God save you from the sight of her wearing Red lipstick on her 50 something protrusions!
Nevertheless, your love for her only grows with time and deep inside, you still feel that she continues to be the ‘teekhi mirchi’ she was in her 20s!