1. We tell lies that we would never want to come true
Every month we have to turn in medical bills to ensure that we get the salary we were promised when we joined. Of course, most of us just aren’t that sick, yet every month we have to lie and we all know that we are all lying. To top the hypocrisy off, we have to attend corporate sponsored seminars about ethics in the work place, while we ignore this brazen lying.
2. We lab rats must get the cheese before the buzzer goes off
Then there are those parts of our salary that we have to claim by such-and-such time or too bad, you’re not getting it. At such times I often wonder if I can hide a file from my boss and ask him to find it in half-an-hour or too bad, you’re not getting it. Don’t try this, you guys; I never have. If, however, you do try it, please do tell me how it went.
3. We sit around on all day staring at a computer screen
For a great part of our lives we will continue to sit at our desks and stare into a computer screen. This obviously is not great for our bodies but what choice do we have? At least the fitness industry can profit from our sedate lifestyle. And even the medical one…so at least those bills won’t be fake after a while.
4. We indulge in the social timepass called office politics
What’s the post you’re chasing? Managing Director? CEO? Senior Supervisor of Bringing Sexy Back? Well then, it’s damned important that you form a group, talk some horseshit and create some bullshit that will further your oh-so-important cause. It turns us into godawful people with no ethical compass.
5. We peddle ourselves like some awesome must-have product
During interviews, in CVs and while competing for our posts, we’re often not recognized for our true worth but rather on how well we can impress the person making the decision. So most of us learn to talk about our strengths alone: Me? My only weakness is that I work too hard and never need time for myself!
6. We behave like people imprisoned in a basement
Most of us sit in shut-off AC offices with fluorescent lighting so we never know what the weather outside is like. Then one day someone says, “Look, it’s raining!” and we rush to the window that can’t be opened. Some of us will rush to a balcony or even the ground floor to look at this wonder called the rain.
7. We try to redefine what close relationships are
You might like most of the people in your office; hell, you might even have an office best friend, but it’s a real eyebrow-raiser when people say your colleagues are your family. No, your family is your family and your colleagues are your colleagues. You might like them but they sure as shit aren’t going to do your kanyadan or help you raise your kids.
8. We live our lives according to a set schedule
And what a jam that leads us into – literally. Traffics jams on the way to work and on the way home. Traffic jams on the weekend because that’s the only time we get to go “out”. Long weekend up ahead? Let’s drive to that nearby place. With the time it takes to get there and back, we barely have a day to relax yet we’ll label pics on FB as “Holiday!”
9. We hear loyalty praised but rarely ever see it rewarded
People who spend their entire careers in one corporate firm seldom rise to the highest position; so even though employers look for a “stable” employee, you know that your loyalty will probably go unrewarded. Still, many of us will stick on to dead-end jobs with horrible colleagues or bosses because we want our CV to look good.
10. We forget that there’s so much more to life
Of course you need your job and you really want to keep it, but for god’s sake don’t let it define you. Whether you’re the boss or an entry-level employee, you should have some sort of a personal life and something other than your corporate position to make people like you. And please don’t say your job is your life; that just makes you look sad.