Ever wondered why most Bengali women shy away from dating men of their own community? Because marrying a Bong is tantamount to adopting an overgrown and precarious man-child, with all his quirkiness intact! Do you have the guts to go for it?
1. There are only two surviving categories of Bong men and neither conforms to your expectations of an ideal husband.
The first is the long haired and beard sporting band singer, who indeed rocks the stage, but is too bohemian for cohabitation. The second is the repressed poet, who would make you the object of all his nouvelle experiments. Now which type would you want to bear with?
2. His mother will come as a package deal with him in marriage.
Although her dearest dear ‘khoka/babu/baban/guddu/gublu/tublu/babin/babai/babushona’ is married now, she will decide it all for him right from his attire to menu to even perhaps sex positions!!
3. He has the appetite of an insatiable glutton.
And yes, you would never be able to cook better than his mom, even if you are Angela Lawson.
4. He is extremely well read but only in the covers and last pages of books.
5. He sings but instead of an eargasm, his voice is more likely to give you a headache if you have an understanding of melody.
‘Jodi tor daak shune keu na Ashe tobe NAKI EKLA CHOLTE HOYE‘, anyone?
6. Football is his life, because he has nothing else!
The next time some Bong guy chides you for not supporting east Bengal or Mohunbagan, just ask him to demonstrate his own skills as a footballer!
7. His ego is bigger than his tummy.
He thinks he knows it all!
8. Debating is his passion, but only in the bedroom.
When it comes to real life, he is more prone to being the meek victim of everything from the auto driver’s ‘khuchro fetish’ to his boss’s tantrums and you would be expected to be his savior instead! Now, as an Indian woman, you have always fancied the reverse right?
9. He may pretend to love reading, music and football, but his real favorite hobby is bitching!
Just poke/intrigue him with gossip and see the magic, he will beat you or anyone in bitching any day!
10. He books tickets for meghe Dhaka tara to impress friends, drags you to the ‘plex to catch it, but sleeps through it; however, he is full of energy when he watches khoka 420 or MLA fatakesto at home!!
11. His afternoon naps and snores need no explanation!
12. His Innnngleesh is also bhery impressive.
13. He is either a wannabe revolutionary who pronounces Che Guevara as ‘cheye guyevora’ with no idea about the philosophical foundation of the ideology or is a supporter of Trinamool Congress and equally clueless about why he is doing so.
14. He has only two definitions of romance and neither is romantic.
First, writing poems, which are likely to make Rosesh Sarabhai appear as John Donne. Second singing Rabindrasangeet with the wrong lyrics.
15. He wants to be a ‘Bong’ not a ‘Bangali’.
Being called a Bangali appears downmarket to him. He criticizes ‘teepeecaaal Kolkata Bangali’ in his quintessential way and wants to appear as a global ‘Bong’, but he is permanently halfway through the transition and neither has the enviable Bengali values and the knowledge or sexiness of a thinking Bangali nor the swag of westernization. He is confused, ignorant and full of hypocrisies and double standards and is too egoistic to realize it, let alone change himself!
P.S: (Before you make any random inferences) The author of the post is a proud Bengali, who is too absorbed in the pride of the Bengali culture and traditions to embrace the fake and wannabe ‘Bong’ virtues (or even being called a ‘Bong’) and will always hate those who have.