Dear Airtel 4G Girl,
At the onset, let me admit, you’re kind of cute. If we knew each other, I’d probably ask you out on a date.
Nah. I’d probably just crack jokes on the side, but that’s a different matter. The point is, you seem like a nice person. It’s nice that you’re splashed all over the country – watching me from hoardings in front of airports and railway stations, smiling at me from the pillars of flyovers. Very nice.
But what’s with the aggression, yaar?
Why do you have to be so pushy all the time? We get it. You want to tell us that Airtel is awesome, and that we could do a lot more with it, which is all fine. But do you really have to be so pushy about things?
Also, how do you pull off shit like that? Don’t people get pissed off? You keep barging into people’s personal spaces and asking them to buy Airtel products. Doesn’t it feel a little odd?
Like that time when there were a group of friends in Goa. They are having a good time, taking pictures and laughing – when you suddenly barge into the scene and start peddling Airtel 4G dongle to them. Come on, man. Is it really about sharing pictures quickly? Maybe they’re just a bunch of dudes who went to Goa to get wasted.
Or the other time when a rock concert has just ended, and you hop on to the stage and ask the crowd if they want more music. Now, you have to understand that attending a rock concert in India is like going on a pilgrimage. You have to stand in the sun for three hours, and then get frisked by friendly cops, and then wait for another two hours for the band to come on stage, and then stand for another two hours of the show.
And then, when the crowd says they want more music, you deliver a gigantic KLPD by asking them to download an app and listen to more music. I mean, seriously?
Or the other time when a film has ended, and you walk up to the screen (Who allows you on to the stage all the time? Aren’t there security people? Are you some Karate-Taekwondo champion of sorts?). You ask the people if they want more films. Which clearly, is a dumb question, because you know those people have to leave, because other people have bought tickets for the next show. How do you know what the people are thinking? May be they just got done with a Rohit Shetty film and want to stab someone to death? What if they just endured a three hour LSD trip by Sanjay Leela Bhansali and want to dip themselves in blue paint and run across the streets naked? But even as they say they want more movies, you remove your phone and ask them to watch a movie online.
We need to talk, dear Airtel 4G Girl.
Telecom companies have weird ads all the time. There is Idea, who keeps coming up ads that would make even Chacha Chaudhary blush. Then there are Vodafone ads, that are simple, smart and to-the-point. And then there’s you.
Why do you have to be so pushy all the time?
May be if you spoke to me calmly, and asked me if I would want to try out Airtel for a while, instead of guilt-tripping me into buying your products, I’d have given it a shot. So you can stare at me as much as you want from flyovers and billboard hoardings. I am sticking to Vodafone.
You’re quite pretty, dear Airtel 4G Girl. But your ads are a pain in the ass!