I scream you scream we all scream for ice cream. We all also do something else, as loudly. And that’s lying. Sacred books by Murphy tell us it’s ok to tell lies sometimes, and if you are lying to yourself there’s no sinning there at all. After an intensive survey in regions of different population densities and gender ratios, we found the top 6 common lies that we tell ourselves every day:
6. Carpe Diem time:
So we wake up every morning and we tell ourselves – I will seize the day. I will be the superman, and I am already the super woman and it’s a brand new day to become more super. I will finish my household chores in time, do that pending dusting for sure and certainly mow the over grown lawn. Not be late for work, work harder than ever and pocket that promotion before the other cabin wala does. Sigh! We are lying. After all, we are still horizontal in bed, making plans, moving not a limb, looking at the fan with sleepy eyes and wondering why God made man invent alarm clocks. More like, cease the day, isn’t it?
5. I will work hard in office:
Is it? Pray, why so suddenly the urge to be diligent, to not spend time at the coffee machine, on your phone, on FB or even in the men’s loo discussing the new kid on the block? Mornings have this capacity to make us feel fresh and serious but one step inside office and we know we were lying to ourselves when we were unlocking our car. Yawn! If only I could just lie down on my desk and catch 40 winks. Why, good idea! The boss is out of office; the colleague next door is already asleep and promotion is anyway so elusive. I wonder why? Snore!
4. I am the best:
Alright. It’s a movie/self-help book propagated idea – of looking in the mirror each passing day and saying – Hey beautiful, you are the best so forget the rest. One minute outside home and the big billboards with bigger actresses take you away from your reality in the mirror, making you feel either too thin or too fat, too dark or unsuccessful, poor or hen-pecked. The man in the SUV suddenly seems smarter than your phone and the guy with the presentation in a shimmery suit so much more impressive. The face in the mirror forgot to see the best of itself all through the day. Or was it lying when it said – I’m the best?
3. I am content in life:
Spoken either over drinks-and-dinner at a friend’s place or thought of while swaying to your favourite guru ji’s morning pravachan. But are you? Even with your momo wala having bought the Accent already and the diamond necklace adorning your distant relative’s neck? Do you really have all that you need to belong to a spiritually elevated plane of good things and good relationships, or were you lying to yourself and those around when you pronounced yourself content? Oh well, you know the answer.
2. I will be nice to everyone:
It’s easy to say that to yourself as you bathe with aloe vera shower gel cooling your cells. Then, you take the maid to task for coming late as usual, you scream at the security guard for not opening the gate in time, you curse the green light for turning red and you take it all out on your junior even if he does not resemble a punching bag. At the end of the day, you ‘damn it’ kismet itself for making the neighbor get the parking slot before you. But when in bed, you go to sleep feeling a little bad for all the bad language thrown around, only to make an empty promise to yourself that you will be nice to everyone, starting tomorrow. And Bond said ‘tomorrow never comes.’
1. I will be dieting from today:
Days come and days go and if there is one resolve that either never gets taken or most often gets broken, it is that of diet control. After the elastic of the pajamas snapped last night, you wake up to a new day and promise yourself to do yoga, cut the carbs, not eat another’s tiffin and make sure that beer remains where it belongs, in the chiller. But oh dear, by lunch time you wonder why you lied to yourself in the morning and by evening you go ‘what resolve?’ even as the beer finds its rightful place, in your belly. Hic and burp!