Top 10 Ways to Defend Yourself After Farting in a Group of Three

12:00 pm 20 Mar, 2013

You can try but not always succeed in letting out and you know that. Defending yourself after farting is not easy but it’s the best thing to do even if you don’t fully succeed! Instead of sinking down in the pathetic ditch of embarrassment, it is way better an idea to try and masterfully tackle the situation. Listed below are top 10 days to defend yourself after farting in a group of three!

10. Make some noises:

If you’re in a public place, chances are you can make some noises after letting out a fart and trick others. This is especially helpful if you don’t fart quietly. It’s not difficult to mimic the sound of choo-choo train. Or, is it? You can sing out loudly, blow a horn or start talking to an imaginary friend on the phone! It helps, really.

Group of friends with drinks having fun - Ways to Defend Yourself After Farting in a Group

9. Be crazy enough the first one to point it out:

Okay, it may sound like a crazy idea but it does work like magic on most occasions. Really! You just need to pretend so well that other two in the group start suspecting each other. Don’t hesitate to condemn it. The more you do the better. Just don’t jump of the car or leave the room pretending you’re disgusted! You’re the one who farted, remember? So, keep it under control.

Be crazy enough the first one to point it out - Ways to Defend Yourself After Farting in a Group

8. Blame it on the person you know cannot defend himself:

It’s a classic technique that works well if one of the two friends you’re with, has the history of quitting discussions or arguments simply because he can’t keep up with witty remarks pouring in from other ends in a friend circle. He’s the easy target; get him! And, don’t worry, it’s not a war. You guys will probably forget it as soon as you’ve got something more interesting to talk about.

Blame it on the person you know cannot defend himself - Ways to Defend Yourself After Farting in a Group

7. Blame it on anyone or anything:

Other two in your group perhaps have no idea of how a dog fart or burning polythene bag smells. You don’t have to know that either. You just need to get a little creative and convincingly propose a theory that a passing dog let out a fart or the adjoining gutter smells pretty bad. You can even blame it on a garbage dumper or local restaurant’s kitchen.

Blame it on anyone or anything - Ways to Defend Yourself After Farting in a Group

6. Come up with a silly explanation for the fart sound:

Nobody other than you really knows that it was the sound of fart. So, be confident and give a weird explanation of what just happened. Somebody might have pulled up a chair. The little puppy of the next door girl barks the way people fart.  Someone just opened a door that makes a cracking sound. Be confident and any freaking but slightly witty explanation should work. Don’t blame aliens though.

Come up with a silly explanation for the fart sound - Ways to Defend Yourself After Farting in a Group

5. Quietly leave them for few minutes:


If your fart is silent but often deadly, you can just leave the other two for few minutes to pick something up or make a phone call. By the time you come back, the other two would be suspecting each other! Genius!

Quietly leave them for few minutes - Ways to Defend Yourself After Farting in a Group

4. Deal with it, guys:

It doesn’t hurt to be a badass at times and you know that very well. When you know that they know – it’s time to act like a villain and just tell the other two – ‘Whosoever smelt it, dealt with it. Let’s get going.’ Do it and it will be their turn to get defensive!

Deal with it, guys - Ways to Defend Yourself After Farting in a Group

 3. Make fun of the person who heard a fart-sound:

Don’t hesitate to go a little overboard and declare the person crazy after he begins to investigate an unimportant fart story! You can even mix up another story to make him quite as quickly as possible! Ask him if he’s been smoking up. Tell the other one he’s been hallucinating and cannot even think of something better in his head!

Make fun of the person who heard a fart-sound

2. Leave the danger zone:

Sidestepping the danger zone full of smell is very important. Get out of there quickly and let one of the other two take your place. Then, you can comfortably go about passing on the buck. Don’t giggle. Don’t smile. Pretend like you’re offended and move on with what you guys were talking before. Simple.

Leave the danger zone - Ways to Defend Yourself After Farting in a Group

1. The guy nearest to you was the one who actually let out:

The only way you can defend yourself is by either blaming someone or proving it never happened. As long as vapors of the biological bomb are still in the air, it isn’t always easy to blame it on a dog, squirrel or squeaky seat. So, just blame the guy nearest to you. Okay, he knows he didn’t fart. But the 3rd guy doesn’t know that. Make a team and crack a joke or two on the 2nd guy. He won’t mind because he knows one of you is actually the culprit! Perfect.

 The guy nearest to you was the one who actually let out - Ways to Defend Yourself After Farting in a Group

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