Becoming a good parent may be the toughest job in the world, but fortunately the reward is a healthy and happy child, which makes the tough task worth it. Though the area of parenting has been extensively researched, there is no sure way to tell what is right or wrong. Every child is a unique individual which makes their needs different from others. Here are the 10 ways that works for good parenting universally.
Parents are often frustrated with the changes they have to make due to the entry of children in their life. Parents at times have to sacrifice their flourishing careers to take care of their children. As babies, they change the sleeping pattern, followed by terrible twos, and nothing beats the teen years. Preparing yourself for the change is the best way to deal with the frustrations that come with a child in life.
Accepting the child for what they are is the first step on the road to peaceful parenting. When parents try to change their children into something they cannot be, it is not just tiring and exasperating experience for the parents, but also wears out the children. Every individual is born with some inbuilt talent and potential. It is for the parents to discover this talent and unwrap it slowly for success of the child.
You can never spoil the child with too much of love. It is when you try to replace your love, attention and companionship with material things that you will spoil the child. Loving a child unconditionally is the right thing to do. Some parents confuse pampering and indulgence with love, which is unhealthy for the development of the child.
Just being with your child, while you watch television, surf on net or think about something is not counted as giving attention. Be there physically and mentally with your child, so that they feel connected with you. If there are more children at home, don’t make anyone feel left out. Keep in mind that being with your child does not mean you hover over them all the time and smother them with your presence.
Do not be enthusiastic with setting rules in your home which are bent or broken for convenience. Have few rules which are supposed to be followed strictly. Many parents worry that their children will not love them for setting limitations and boundaries. Research has found that children like the rules as it makes them feel cared, protected and loved by their parents. Do not give in when children try to manipulate you to break the rules just for once.
Communicating with children is easy if you say exactly what you mean to say. Often parents try to beat around the bush, drop hints or use sarcasm which does not work well with children. Communication need not be always talking, as listening to your child and being approachable is another form of communication. Your response, body language and tone talks more to than your words, as children have keen sense of observation.
Take interest in not just the studies or achievements of your child, but be a part of their interests, hobbies and friends. Do not ridicule if they show interest in something which you are not interested like music, movies, books or even friends. Respect their choice, though when you feel your child is not safe you can always create awareness in them. Never criticize or be judgmental about your child’s leisure pursuits, passion or friends as that will give vent to rebellion in them.
Even a very loving and affectionate parent drop their guard and respond with a loud “WHAT?” to a confession of less marks, broken vase, spilled bottle of jam on carpet and many other such incidents. The fear of wrath will lead the child to hide things and lie to the parent. Being patient and responding calmly but sternly will have positive effect on the child. Staying calm when the child has broken the precious gift your Mom gave you may be very difficult, but then being a parent is not an easy job. Try to explain the consequences of their action to the child and it is not bad to tell them how hurt you are.
Just because you are the parent and have more life experience than the child, it need not mean that you are always right. Many times children catch their parents on the wrong foot. At such times it is best to say sorry and apologize. You do not lose respect of the child by saying sorry, but you surely will when you do not want to admit your mistakes but try to give reasons. Know that the child will learn the same and pay you back with same coin later in life.
Though children need love, care and affection, not many realize that they need to be trusted and respected by the people they love and respect the most, i.e. their parents. Giving them responsibilities, involving them in decision making, listening to them and allowing them privacy when they need it is showing respect and trust and not doing what they want you do. Respect and trust is successful in disciplining children than punishments, criticism, bribes, threats or rewards.