Parenting is a very challenging job, especially being a mother. If you are widowed mother who is bringing up children without support of their father, parenting can be tight rope walk for you, with monkeys scrambling up your shoulders. Dealing with your own loss, grief and loneliness; you have to pick yourself up for the sake of your children. They are dealing with the void left behind by their father, which makes them feel vulnerable and insecure. You have to manage home and fulfill duties of both the parents. No matter how deep in trouble you are, life has to move on with all its ups and downs. Here are 10 tips that would provide some relief and help you deal with your traumatic situation in a better way.
10. You do not have to be alone:
Remember those good times when your family had joined you in fun? Now it is time for them to share some part of your sorrow too, because that is what families are for. Do not hesitate to ask for support and help, especially in the initial stages when you are still recovering from the shock.
9. Seek Counseling help:
Being unhappy and sad is not going to work out for any of you. You along with your children will have to overcome the grief and continue with your life. Seek counseling support and help for your family. The professionals can guide your family towards emotional and financial stability. Your religious community or social group can take place of the counselors.
8. Identify your emotions:
It is natural for as widowed mother for you to feel anger at the loss of your loved one, frustrations at having to deal with life all alone and desperation at not knowing how to handle the situation. Caught unawares in a crisis it is natural for you to vent out your pent up emotions on children, who are already feeling vulnerable. Though it is tough for you, identify your emotions and keep check on them.
7. Get Connected with Single Moms:
No one understands your situation better than the women who have been there and done that. Connect with other single moms and learn from their life experiences. Discuss about remarriage and other options, because you have your whole life ahead of you. Children are not always going to be there.
6. Consult your children:
At some point after the death of a family member, their possessions have to be disposed off in a proper way. It is also important for the proper closure of the situation. Do not make all the decisions on your own without asking for the opinions of your children, because they may have emotional attachments to few things. Moving ahead without considering their emotions may build unwanted tension in your relationship.
5. Do not overwhelm your children:
Your loss and grief is unbearable, but it is not an excuse to pour out to your children and overwhelm them with your own loss, emotions, helplessness, anger or frustrations. You sure need an outlet. Find a friend, relative, support group or a therapist to unburden your feelings.
4. Check your financial situation:
With the sudden demise of the spouse, there is going to be a great financial turmoil in the family, especially if the husband was the only bread earner. Check out your financial situation to understand how much resources are at your disposal. If you have to, pull the strings of your purse and stop spending on petty things. Explain to your children that conditions have changed and everyone will have to make some adjustments.
3. Nurture your children:
Off course every mother, whether a widow or not will nurture her children, but a widowed mother has the extra responsibility of taking part of father and picking up the things he was doing for the children. If your son enjoyed football sessions with his dad, or your girl went out for long walks with her father, see to it they don’t miss it.
2. Concentrate on studies of your children:
As a single parent it becomes your duty to see that the children study well and get settled in a career of their choice. Do not neglect their homework and make sure that their notes are up to date. If it is too much of stress for you to handle their study time, then find someone to help you out.
1. Grab that ‘ME’ time:
Remember being a single parent does not make you superwoman. Underneath all the responsibilities, duties and strength, you are still the same woman who has lost her spouse. Take that much needed break and grab that special personal time whenever possible. Do not neglect your own needs. Occasionally, pamper yourself to feel special and cared for. Look for a life beyond the confines of home and family.