Are Indians really as much fitness freak as the Westerners? Not really! We’d agrarian kids to the core. We’ve spent our childhood working out in the fields, walking and toying around the countryside. If we’re going to the gym today, it’s only because gym is the next ‘cool thing,’ not because it has much to do with fitness. So what exactly are we doing at the gyms? Why are these things so appalling? Let’s examine:
1. Creepy uncles! Stop being so shameless and stop winking at women.
It’s sad that you are still whiling away your time in bachelorhood. But, what do you expect from a gym? A place to organize your swayamvar
? We are repulsive to your stairs and someday you’re going to repent for being the ugly leech you are.
2. Female aunties in their 40s, the trainer is not the guy you should flirt with.
Dear trainers, please be careful with them. You can’t deny they are hot. They have a perfect figure; they are bold and highly experienced. The only thing they don’t have is the right age.
3. Selfies are great, but who comes to the gym to click them?
Hey self obsessive people – why don’t you get big mirrors installed at home? Why always come to the gym and click selfies?
4. We pity you – but for god’s sake you lazy bums should stop ogling at people with perfect bodies.
Laziness is also such a curse. You spend money on gym membership, you make the effort to come here every day, and still you can’t do much because you’re too laid back to move your limbs. We’re really sorry you have to ogle at other people’s perfect bodies while yours is nothing but a sagging balloon.
5. Wanna make a style statement, come to the gym.
Really? We thought it was a place to come for fitness. Why don’t you go get a life instead?
6. If parents hunt grooms on the internet, daughters search for them at the gym.
Where else to find handsome hunks, if not the gym? Gyms in India have become matrimonial grounds for the perfect groom search. Maybe gyms should try and partner up with matrimonial websites for greater business – not kidding.
7. A sign board that reads DISCOUNTS is all that you need for joining a gym.
We Indians have such a fetish for discounts that we’d spend our money anywhere, where the board reads “DISCOUNTST.” But for your kind information – In India, gyms offer discounts all round the year.
8. If oldies meeting point is the Indian Coffee House, it is definitely gym for the young crowds.
Because we believe gossip is food, we know why so many people coming to the gym are overweight. They just don’t seem to do anything about it.
9. Dude why can’t you differentiate between a gym and a disc?
A song can make your heart beat to its rhythm, but if you’re at the gym don’t dance. Not all of us can look as cool as Brad Pitt.
10. Then there are those who feel coming to the gym is no less than achieving a big feat.
“Ohh you know I’ve got one year membership with the gym.” These people sound like they’ve just conquered the summit of Mt. Everest or maybe they’ve just got back from a trip to the moon. Wake up guys!
11. The protein guzzlers – you already have solid bodies, why do you want more muscle?
Ok, so you are the passionate protégé. You’re hot, you have the sharpest cuts, but wait a minute – do you also have a working brain? The combination is rare and deadly.
12. Dreaming about food all the time? Why bother to come here?
Uncles with big bellies are often seen panting along a treadmill and thinking of what they’ll eat next. Maybe your wife forced you to come here. But, while you are here, why don’t you think about the next exercise and not about the next thing you’ll eat once you step out of the gym? Try at least!
13. To all perfect bodies – stop killing us with your good looks.
Everyone at the gym is jealous of you and keeps thinking why in the hell do you come here every day. Why do you hurt their sentiments?
14. Westerners do it, city folks are doing it, and I must do it too.
That is the last thing you should have on your mind, but if it’s the first we can’t help you.