Come on, don’t tell me you’re too mature, too manly or too up-scale to indulge in some midnight stalking. I do it, you do it, we all do it. It’s comforting, thrilling and rest assured, it never bores you. I like to call it ‘research’. So, I thought it’s time people owned up to it – not feel embarrassed about it (Yes, all about OMG after you double-tap their picture) or feel shallow either. It’s not interference, you can’t be private about things you posted publicly. In fact, now I am pretty much a shameless stalker. I like 10 of their profile pictures, comment on a picture back from 2011 and still be totally chill about it. I mean so what? Didn’t you ever stalk me? Duh. Here’s what I will say in its defense:
1. Because I will take creepy messages over creepers queuing up outside my house
Back in the day, how would they stalk girls? Oh God, the very thought sends chill down my spine. I would rather read your creepy lines over this virtual medium than see you whistling from my window.
2. Because they make me feel street smart, even when I’m just a nerd
Stalking is helpful. For example, before I go for my first interview, it helps. I know their background through Linkedin, their likes through Facebook, their political outlook through Twitter. In another scenario, imagine you are meeting your boyfriend’s family for the first time. It just won’t be as messy if you are well prepped in advance. Bonus: You’ll come across as a great mind-reader when you’re just a great stalker.
Come On! Don’t deny this one. Who wore what and looked hideous? Who posted a check-in on that crazy event? Who is definitely going out with her? Who posted that bitchy comment on their picture? We all bring this to our coffee tables – or WhatsApp BFF groups – and enjoy a good laugh over it. In fact, this is not even the best part. It becomes better when everyone adds an exaggerated version to this conversation. Cheers to these hilarious conversations!
4. Because they never let us hit on the wrong guy/girl
There was a time people came from nowhere. But today, you are coming from a Facebook id. I will find you and I will stalk you. I don’t even care if you just waved a Hi! If you’re interesting enough, we shall get to know. More importantly, your history will tell us a lot about your chances. And those mutual friends of course.
I know this sounds outrageously narcissist, but isn’t stalking like savoring Nutella? You know it’s making you fat but hell! It makes you feel good. Stalking others can lead to unfair comparisons and despair, but try stalking yourself. Or perhaps, if you are like me, you’ve already done it million times. Facebook only saves your smiling pictures on the timeline, your good times and your striving stories. It brings in a bundle of nostalgia. Admit it, going through your pretty-looking pictures with gorgeous comments does fuel your confidence. So you know what? Savor the Nutella!