Firstly, let me say that this autocorrect is a devious feature – please ban it. I was typing Modiji and it kept changing your revered name to ‘moron’! Can you believe it?!! Hence, my request that you should ban autocorrect – I certainly have a beef with such impudence.
Let me start by thanking you for announcing in Shanghai and Seoul that Indians were ashamed of their nationality till you took over. This statement of yours redefines confidence and declares something which was buried deep within our hearts. In fact it must have been buried really, really deep, because even I wasn’t aware of it till you spotted it! Of course! Yes!! How can anyone be proud of that half-naked oldie called Gandhi, when we have a monogrammed suit-clad Modi? Look at the old man’s glasses, it is so tough to find those for fancy dress events at school. Yours are so much cooler. They looked awesome with the terracotta warriors flanking you! And then the emaciated figure of Gandhi is so hard to replicate! Ask any mother dressing up her kid as a hero. With today’s well-fed kids, 56-inch seena is so much easier to achieve.
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Then there are the ones like Nehru (a rose? duh!), Bhagat Singh (noose around his neck? yikes!), Dr Kalam (nerd with his books? dumb!) and so on. Thanks for coming to our rescue and for pointing out that we could now raise our heads up. The damn neck was stuck!
Nepal is not looking so friendly any more, even after you presented 2.5 tons of sandalwood for a puja, thanks to the tons of Presstitutes!
Your ministers are getting smarter under your tutelage. It was practical advice to the debt-laden farmers that neither God nor the Government (idiots think it is the same thing!) will be able to help them – they have to help themselves. El Niño will cause problems. So? What are these crazy farmers complaining about? Everyone knows that they have to take care of themselves – complaining is of no use. Don’t all of us have our own security arrangements?
Read the full letter here.