27 Signs That You’ve Been Alone For Far Too Long

1. You know all the restaurants which deliver one person portions.

2. You’ve selected a place in your room where you can Heimlich yourself.

3. You don’t think spooning a person will be as comfortable as hugging your pillow at night.

4. Sometimes your room ends up with piles of dirty clothing on the floor even if you have a laundry bag.

5. You don’t try to control your burps or farts when you’re at home.

6. You like having the bed all to yourself and feel sorry for couples who have to share it nightly.

7. You have a stash of biscuits/Maggie/packaged foods that end up being dinner sometimes.

8. You’re constantly Googling anything you come across. There’s no one who’ll check your phone.

9. You don’t get excited about festivals or holidays.

10. You’ve crossed the threshold from worrying about dying alone to accepting it.

11. You’ve become very, VERY fussy about the people you let into your life.

12. Your nightwear falls into two categories – ugh and very sexy.

13. You’ve forgotten social cues like offering that packet of chips you’ve opened to the people around you.

14. Since you’re not very good with people, you’ve thought about hiring someone for sex.

15. Your most emotionally involved relationship is probably with your pet.

16. Even if you come across someone you think you might like, you don’t do anything about it.

17. You can’t understand it when people crib about feeling lonely because for you being alone is natural.

18. You avoid people who try to set you up with someone.

19. When you’re on a ‘romantic’ night out, you’re likely to blurt out, “So, are we having sex or not?”

20. People constantly complain about you not keeping in touch.

21. Someone has tried to talk to you about not committing suicide.

22. You’ve up-and-left boring dates/conversations; literally just got up and walked out.

23. Some days the only conversation you have is with the shopkeeper at the store near your place.

24. You’d wither away without the Internet.

25. Insecure people have labeled you haughty because you don’t pay any attention to them.

26. You can argue both sides of a debate perfectly – in your head.

27. When asked if you drink or smoke socially, you’re confused. “Socially? I guess so.”


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