The Flip Side Of Being In A Love Marriage

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5:17 pm 12 Jan, 2016

”Yeh ishq nahin aasaan.”

I think nowhere else will this line by Ghalib fit better than in desi households. A country so vastly diverse, yet inter-caste marriage or worse- ‘love marriage’ – sounds taboo. But let’s be real, ”Ishq ko kaun rok paaya hai?” And so love-struck couples have eloped, killed, bruised only to re-unite again aka Bollywood style.

Nevertheless, in the real world, stories don’t end with ‘happily ever after’. Here are the challenges and plus points of a love marriage:


1. Desi parents

The downside

If they were not cool before the marriage, certainly no miracle is going to change that after you get married. I’ll re-emphasize, things don’t work like Hindi movies- ”Shaadi ke baad unke pairon mein gir jaana hai, bas”

There are constant power battles. You’ll be always deemed  low for your customs, traditions and food habits. There’ll be disputes over trivial matters and any dispute between you and your partner will have zero pacification chances from the in-laws. You can only expect them to fuel the fire further.

The flip side

They might turn out to be cool in-laws where you’ll get the golden chance to embrace the differences and learn the best from them. You will explore new traditions, beliefs and cultural habits. This definitely has chances to make your life a bit more exciting.


2. The fate of children

The downside

An inter-caste or inter-religion marriage can lead your child to live in confusion. The child might have tough time carving out an identity of her/his own, more so with external forces always discriminating her/him.

The flip side

Children can sometimes act as a conduit to repair your fractured relationship with your estranged in-laws. The love and affection of a child often melts our desi parents’ hearts. If your child is brought up in a harmonious family, she/he will know to embrace different cultures.


3. Social life

The downside

If you think that ‘all is fair in love’ and decide to elope, think twice. The movie is not going to end right there. You will have a strange new place and stranger people. Added to the chaos of adjusting to married life, will be your doomed social life. Imagine having no one to talk about things which excite you or scare you. You’ll have to start right from the scratch. No advice, no help.

The flip side

Not having your support system around you will push you out of your comfort zone. You will be more independent and free. You’ll experiment and try out things in your own way. This will also develop mutual trust and companionship between you two. Isn’t that what we really want in a relationship?

Read more on How to convince your parents for love marriage

4. Culture, religion and money

The downside

It’s ironic but nevertheless true. As rose-colored love fades away, reality sets in. The very things against which you two fought to unite yourselves, will become matters of conflict. Differences in lifestyle will create hurdles in the long-run.

The flip side

Cultivating a greater tolerance for your partner’s beliefs or cultural backgrounds, or a clear separation between love and beliefs, can help create space for peace and harmony in your marriage.

The idea for the article has been conceptualized from here. 

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