In Response To The Dumb Video Of Sir Faisal Qureshi

So, this gentleman was making rounds on social media and we didn’t have the slightest clue as to who he was until we googled him. The search engine says he is a leading Pakistani actor who has a website — a damn ridiculous portal which itself appears to be older than the internet. Honestly, it sucks and will thrust you to a whole new level of frustration! (Recently updated version on Wayback Machine.)

Anyways, we’re here to discuss the video posted by this legendary Pakistani talent on his Facebook page which has got nearly 2.5 lakh likes. For your kind consideration, Poonam Pandey, still struggling to find a break in mainstream Bollywood, has more than 2.2 million fans on her FB page. Now let’s examine whatever he jabbered during his 12.03 minutes of epic douchebaggery.




Faisal Qureshi (1)

Trying to be supercool (though he failed miserably), Sir Qureshi confusingly starts with ‘’Kal Ya Parson’’. Sir should search the symptoms of Alzheimer’s.




Faisal Qureshi (2)

A terrorist-friendly military has ruled Pakistan for 33 years and can anytime knock down its PM or whoever sitting in the power to play coup d’état. Our heartfelt condolences to the mukhtalif faith of your masters.




Faisal Qureshi (3)

Dear Senpai, teach us more. Tell us something like in 1947 a piece of land from Jupiter was dropped by aliens across the Punjab border before it was named Pakistan. Jinnah was a Martian and Cyril Radcliffe a myth, weren’t they?




Faisal Qureshi (4)

DVD piracy is certainly a lowish job to do, and it only indicates that Torrent is not that popular in both of the countries.




Faisal Qureshi (5)


Sir of sirs wants to say something.






Faisal Qureshi (6)

Could you please let us know your IQ score?




Faisal Qureshi (7)

Thanks for not maligning our financial structure by your money. Keep it to fund future terrorist attacks in India, a standard drill which you’ve been following the day since you guys were born. And hey, do you know China, USA and Saudi Arabia are the reasons behind a thing called ‘Pakistani Economy’.




Faisal Qureshi (8)

“Talash kiya internet pe’’ doesn’t seem like a caveman experiencing AI-driven 21st century for the first time? Janab, here’s a life changing tip for you and absolutely free of cost. Start using YouTube to search a movie trailer from now on. It will be just a click away.




Faisal Qureshi (9)

Alzheimer’s. Confirmed.





Faisal Qureshi (10)

In 2004, the Research & Analysis Wing (R&AW) tipped off the ISI about an assassination plot of Pervez Musharraf contrived by Jaish-e-Mohammed. The life-saving intelligence input of R&AW was later acknowledged by Musharraf himself. Indian spies saved him despite his history of backstabbing. Yet you say, “Aatank failata hai?




Faisal Qureshi (11)

Sir, India has an OCD called ‘haddiyan todna’ which probably only historians of your nation would’ve an inkling of. Be it 1947, 1965, 1971 or the recent Kargil War of 1999 ‘hum haddiyan he todte rahe’. Yes, in the 71 war, Indian Armed Forces marched a bit further and broke a haddi ‘literally’ into two parts. #HiThereBangladesh




Faisal Qureshi (12)

At least watch and read cricket genuinely, if you consider it a game. To start with, get a break from making nonsensical videos and arrange high-def copies of Indo-Pak world cup combats from 1992 to 2015. The realities of six nonreversible matches are so gruesome that they won’t let you hallucinate even after taking a series of LSD trips.




Faisal Qureshi (13)

Dragging Indian PM’s name repeatedly in the Godhra case insults our faith in the Judiciary. Always, dishonoring its decisions makes you nothing but a blazing asshole. You guys also have an additional fear of Narendra Modi and his lieutenants (esp. Ajit Doval) for they believe in operating with no-nonsense policy.




Faisal Qureshi (14)

Beware comrade, someone can translate this video into English and forward it to Navy SEALs. Rest, as you know, will be a gripping tale across the globe.




Faisal Qureshi (15)

Other than reeking of misogyny, you also appear to be jealous of fame which Saif enjoys in Bollywood.

Ek sher arz hai…

Wasim Barelvi

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