Human beings are social animals. They cannot live in isolation. The need to communicate, share and to be cared for always draws them to other fellow humans. We live in a modern society where there are ground rules of conduct and communication, mannerisms and mating. We all look for a soul mate or a friend in whom we can confide our deepest fears and joys and with whom we can look forward to sharing our life and growing old. To be skeptical and wary of your first encounter is only natural. However, if you go with an open mind and no pre conceived notions, you are bound to be pleasantly surprised, hopefully. Remember we all are a part of a bigger plan too, so don’t lose hope.
Introduce yourself to the new person with a smile. Remember he or she is as nervous as you. Make eye contact, but don’t stare him down. Take a deep breath and relax, it’s not rocket science. Smile often and be yourself. Try to come across like a warm, friendly person. Your body language will convey much more than your words. Dress up, not to impress, but to reflect your basic aptitude. Be ready to folly, and learn from it.
The biggest dilemma when meeting someone new is the first move. Since rejection is an issue, only a people-person knows how to go ahead. Try to start a conversation, and see where it goes from there. Do not try to dominate or bully. There’s no harm in practicing over a stranger, before the real thing. In the first meeting most people are on their best behavior, you see the true self after meeting them a few times.
After the initial hurdle is over spark a conversation and keep the momentum going. Most easy topics are the weather and compliments. One thing will lead to another and soon there will be gossip. Do some background research if possible, or make a judgment by assessing the clothes, place of work or education.
It is very important to be fully focused on the conversation, avoid distractions. Calls or messages need to be ignored. Do not do all the talking, let it be a two way process. As a rule, ask three questions, wait for the answers and then move ahead. Fidgeting or trying to rush up is an indication of no interest.
Both of you are in the exact same position, so you’re equals. Have equal power and footing. Be relaxed and it will help the other person relax too. Humility and honesty can be sensed by any sensible human being, so be sure to get a response. Do not be ready to judge, listen, assess and then reach a conclusion. If you see wandering eyes, don’t waste your time.
If you see undivided attention, probing questions about yourself, you’re doing it right. If phone calls and messages are not a distraction, it’s a good sign. Compliments on attire and basic mannerism will help you decide. The curiosity to know you better is a positive sign. Try and ask open questions, this is not a debate. React in the same spirit. Try and sense an undertone or questions with a hidden meaning. Do not be quick to react, think and respond. Pay special attention to their relationship with their family, the attention given to them and the time.
Be aware of your initial response, do not dismiss it. It may be based out of fear or nervousness, but that doesn’t make it worthless automatically. It’s good to be logical, but one needs to prioritize over intuition or logic, as the situation demands. Feelings of discomfort or need to over compensate, should be examined closely. They may turn out to be simple shyness, but a little space is needed and if you’re still not sure if its intuition or indigestion – take a break. When you want to decide to meet or not to meet, first decide are you happy or not.